10 Remaining.

Finals are creeping up and sweeping past me, and when these examinations finish, I'll go through the biggest test of my life, both emotionally and metally, this challenge may be the biggest final for me. Finally closure. Finally results which influence my life. It's not just a grade, its a future.

I paid for tickets 80 days ago... who knows what will come of it. Hopefully it's paying for a change. It's time for a change. Time for a new development. 10 reasons for each day why I need to go away...

Should I leave, and things fall apart, I'll value most what I've left behind. Sometimes it takes a little seperation to understand appreciation. Should I leave, maybe it opens doors and closes the gates I never wish to open, behind the doors, I find the path to my future, behind the gates, I leave behind what can no longer get me. Should I leave, maybe I'll change, I'll mature, I'll fufill myself. Should I leave, maybe I'll realize, what I'm meant to be. Should I leave, maybe I'll think, maybe I'll realize our position in time. Should I leave, I'll finally be able to sleep at night. Should I leave, I'll finally get a break. Should I leave, maybe I'll find my true friends. Should I leave, maybe... you'll realize how it feels to be left behind. Should I leave... I may never come back.

And finally, something may be changing... but suddenly I'm leaving it behind, with hope its something I'll come back to, someone I'll come back to. Someone who this time will be here for me... and someone who will make the change with me. Because this time, I realized why I'll never forget you. Because this time I realized, what you've always wanted.

Six years ago, we had a good year. Six years ago, five of us made a decision. Six years ago, you were there for me. Six years ago, I was there for them. And finally, at the end of that year I've realized all that happened. Six years ago, I shot for standards which were lower than I assumed, because those standards stooped lower than I assumed. Six years ago, everything changed. Six years ago, I was forced to grow up.

Five years ago, you took something that mattered. Five years ago, they took me. Five years ago, we parted once. Five years ago we drifted apart. Five years ago, the cycle began. Five years ago I got hurt. Five years ago, I felt no fear. Five years ago, I felt nothing. Five years ago, nothing else mattered. Five years ago, childhood was stolen from me.

Four years ago, we fell apart. Four years ago, numbers increased. Four years ago, things got rough. Four years ago, I led them. Four years ago, no one was with me. Four years ago, I found no support. Four years ago, you fell apart. Four years ago, I followed suit. Four years ago, they betrayed me. Four years ago, you hurt me most. Four years ago, things fell apart. Four years ago, I made a decision. Four years ago, I began a legacy. Four years ago, you left me. Four years ago, I started remembering. Four years ago... everyone hurt me.

Three years ago, I might have looked forward. Three years ago, things made me angry. Three years ago, you made me angry. Three years ago, nothing had changed me. Three years ago, I made a change. Three years ago, I tried to develop. Three years ago, I failed miserably. Three years ago, I met acceptance. Three years ago, it all came back. Three years ago, I tried to run. Three years ago, it caught up. Three years ago, mistakes were plentiful. Three years ago, I seeked refuge.

Two years ago, they came back. Two years ago, I realized they'd never left. Two years ago, I thought I knew it all. Two years ago, you came back into my life. Two years ago, I wished you'd never left. Two years ago, I was angry you came back. Two years ago, I wish I'd have left. Two years ago, I didn't care. Two years ago, I got betrayed. Two years ago, I fell apart. Two years ago, I couldn't see ahead. Two years ago, you dissapeared.

One year ago, things were changing. One year ago, I wanted change. One year ago, they began to realize. One year ago, I finally made progress. One year ago, I started seeing the future. One year ago, I found faith. One year ago, I started getting lost. One year ago, I met confusion. One year ago... I felt empty.

Through this year, things came back. Things left. People changed. Opinions changed and so did my vision. This year, I made decisions. This year, I realized. This year I believed. This year, faith didn't fail me. This year, things got better. This year things are coming together. This year, I build the future.

Today, things get complicated as I prepare for my change. Today, things are tough enough without reminders. Today, I remember. Today, I feel fear. Today, I want tomorrow. Today, I realize that I won't forget. Today, I realize why things have occured. Today, I realize why we never changed. Today, I realize why I want change. Today, I realized what I really want. Today, I hope. Today, I seek to find what I've searched for. Today... I want you to realize.

What I remember? Where I went wrong. What I regret? Nothing. Why? Experience was essential.

I want to come back. I want to fufill. I want to meet the future. I want life. I want normality. I want what I can never have. I want stability. I want trust. I want most of all, support. I want... it to slip away. I want revenge. I want to forget. I want to rest in peace.

Song of the day:

Selena - Dreaming of You

Late at night when all the world is sleeping. I dream of amnesty.