31 Remaining.

Eventually. Eventually, everyone gets theirs. He'll get his, I'll get mine, and you'll get yours. We get what we deserve in the end even if it takes a mini miracle snd seemingly forever to get it. Those who've wronged you along way will get theirs, maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but life is filled with divine justice. Sometimes its not our judgement to pass on whether or not they've done wrong, and if they've wronged us, its their conscience, their karma. Don't stress and don't attempt to be God's messenger or implement martial law.

The cliché "what comes around goes around" is natural law. Sometimes things go wrong for us and we simply look for ones to blame. Let ourselves be at blame and let it be. The past is not changeable, if someone is at fault; their payment will be called in. Who are we to say that someone deserved certain treatment, and who are we to say we ourselves are perfect angels. Just not lest ye be judged.

It's important for us to look at ourselves in the mirror before we look out our windows into the world. Realize who we are and begin to judge ourselves, take ourselves and gauge our qualities before we gauge others. Realize that the world does not revolve around ourselves and that everyone has their own goals in life. Sometimes, people aren't just out to get you, thats paranoia. What it is, is that people are out for the best in their interests.

Rules are simply guidelines, they're broken all the time. Often in personal interests, the path is left behind. Whether or not it is justified in our opinion doesnt allow us to pass judgement. It is obvious in their mind, it was perfectly justified.

When we need to find blame, blame ourselves. We need to find understanding, realize that the world is not about us and judge not. Eventually if they deserve it, they get theirs. In any way; be it good or bad. If its destined for us to be a millionaire by working hard or winning the lottery, it will happen; if someone is destined to be punished due to their actions, divinely it will happen. Find trust, find faith, find enlightenment. Most of all find balance, security, stability and hope. Hopefully with all this, you will rationalize and find understanding.

Song of the day:

Pink - Eventually

Shame on you if you fooled me once; shame on me if you fooled me twice, is simply finding blame. Eventually they'll get theirs, bite the bullet and be realistic.

35 Remaining.

Once again, I have failed to blog for a long period of time. Reasoning is... it has been a tough few weeks mentally. Experiencing unexpected betrayal hurts. Sometimes it's better when you see the knife going into your back, because at least you're prepared for it to hurt. Maybe next time, I'll sidestep my way through my daily life constantly on the lookout because 360 degrees around me, there seems to always be a threat. Because of this, the dreams have returned. Paranoia is more than for schizophrenics. Fear more than just fear itself.

I hate the trust I can't give, and I hate myself when my given trust is compromised. So you have forced me to compromise my trust.

Maybe its time for me to truly turn away; from people. Solitary, I only have me to blame. I only have me to worry about. I'm tired of drama, tired of playing these mind games, tired of this world. People need to realize something, what you use, you need to respect. I've been used, and passed on one too many times. I'm worn out and the human race needs to throw me away, because I'd much rather be resting, and wasting away because I've served my time.

The past has passed, the joy, the fun, all the seasons in the sun have gone as the years slip into my memory. And all memories are sealed as memories. Maybe its time to let go, and make new memories. The future awaits. I alone can build my future; because its clear that I can't rely on anyone else. I feel left behind, and I know there wont be a time where any of you will look back on me. Let it all die in the past, fade to black and we'll repaint what is to come. Hatred begets hatred, so no hatred is founded, only forgiveness and the forget of those events which have passed.

I'm taking this road on my own. The journey which follows is a hard one, but its one well traveled.

Song of the day

Westlife - Seasons in the Sun

There has been joy, fun and seasons in the sun for you and false ones for me. Its hard to die, but it must be done. Goodbye to you.

43 Remaining.

Haven't blogged in a long time, had papers and midterms and a lack of inspirational thought. Anyways, lots is welled up, entries to come. =)



Where does the road take you...? Where can you take yourself? How can someone help you get there. Never give up, never surrender. And always lend a helping hand when possible, always take one if its given. Don't take people for granted. On our daily travels we see hundreds; even thousands of others... everyone has their own life but to be humane, you need to involve yourself in them, they're people too.

Song of the day:

Aaliyah - Try Again (Romeo Must Die Soundtrack)

And if at first you don't succeed, then dust yourself off and try again

49 Remaining.

I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand. It's difficult to show everyone my self in fear of ridicule, in fear of judgement, in fear of losing something I've worked so hard to build. Respect and an image of strength and stability. When day in and out, you hope to provide motivation and happiness to those around you, its difficult to seek you're own motivation and happiness. And on those day's where you can't find you're own; its even harder to provide it to others.

Simply wake up, put on the mask, and give the world the best show you can as the world is our stage. Hopefully getting smiles, laughs and brightening days. To appease my anger or shield my sadness. By solving others problems I can hide my own. Drown my sorrows in your laughter rather then alcohol. Is it ok that I'm unhappy? To me yes. Why is it ok? Because I yearn to see you smile, yearn to see you happy; and am happy knowing you're ok.

If I see myself as weak, the pillar I've made myself, then it's easy to see how others fall apart. I'd rather I sacrifice myself in hopes that I can keep it together for someone else. And I know that everyone else is stronger then they appear, because often case, its natural for people to live for reaction. But honestly, if I fell apart, me thinking I'm strong... it makes sense that others would.

We Live to fit in. Where is my place in it all? Why do I hide my pain? So I can avoid the pity of others? But then how can I pity others, subject others to what I hate most? Where do I turn to for support? What can I show the world? All I want is for everyone around me to be happy, maybe then I can trick myself into being happy. Idealistic? Yes. Peace and fraternity is all I ask for, if only this were everyones thoughts. If only everyone played the "selfless" game. But the am I just being selfish for lying to myself, lying to the world in hopes of making it a "better place" in my eyes.

You be the judge. How would the world be if everyone were as geniune as their thoughts. Deepest ideologies expressed. Extremes to bee seen. I can imagine, no one would see eye to eye. Angry voices would flow from mouths to deaf ears, everyone looking out for their own best interests. For humanity sake, I hope everyone acts, and acts well. Everyone appeases one another and maybe we can pretend we're at peace.

Song of the day:

Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

You cant fight reality, or the moment of truth in your lies; as the truth is the truth. The only thing you can fight is yourself in how you should act or how you want to act.

50 Remaining.

It's good to know. Through the years; we're still together. Our friendship reassures me. It's good to know theres someone I can lean on. Good to know that years from now, we'll still be together, and I can still lean on you. Together all of us are forming the wonderwall that will save us. Our personalities are the cement that hold us together, brick by brick. And it comforts me to know that forever the wall will be visible as its been made obvious it wont easily be taken down. You'll be the ones that save me and protect me.

Don't ever lose sight of the ones who've made you're walls. Its not many who I've come to lean on but its the strong who support me. The ones you know you can go any where with because they'll protect you. The ones who you know you can talk for hours with because the stories you'll never grow tired of hearing. The ones who's helped you make memories in the book that doesnt have an ending... and you're glad that together you keep adding pages. The ones you can say anything to; because they aren't afraid to hear it. The ones you know you'll never be afraid to talk to, to turn to, to run to. The ones which the only thing you fear about them, is that you may someday lose them. Don't ever lose sight. Thank your wonderwalls.

Forever I will be thankful for you all. Listen to me plan my future, listen to me dream of my home, hear me whisper my hopes, and carried on all your shoulders is everything I am and what I only wish to be. As much as I stand on my own feet, it's your wings which have held me thus far. Today especially I'm glad to have you with me. And tomorrow is what I'm happy to share with you. I wont forget what we've been through; and I can't imagine what great things we'll do together. Wherever this road takes us, I want to be going there with you.

Song of the day:

Oasis - Wonderwall

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding, and all the lights that lead us there are blinding; I wish to travel them with you.

53 Remaining.

143. I love you. Je t'aime. Anyway you mix it, its just words. And anyway you put it, its lost its meaning. I don't hear it from who I want to hear it from most, and thats fine. But I'm tired of hearing it lost without meaning. Give me something more then words and show me what you mean. I've come to understand why my words are empty in your eyes, and I understand why you don't trust them... but it still hurts to be doubted. Its tough to give someone else something to grab on when you have no support yourself. I can relate to that. Love is defined as:

1. strong affection 2. warm attachement 3. attraction based on sexual desire 4. a beloved person

What I'd give to be the object of those and be able to return it without using the words. How it would feel to love and be loved. How it'd be to be more than a hopeless romantic. It's awfully cold with unreturned love... but I'm guilty of the same crime. Can't live with it, can't live without it. The troubles of emotions.

Let's face it, emotional drive is the worst fuel. Label me heartless but I wish it were just that simple. Tired of the same old routine. Tired of the same old ride on the waves.

What would you say, if I took those words away... what if you couldn't tell me you love me. What would you do? What if I simply said I didn't love you. I don't want to deal with this "emotion", because its coming from all the wrong angles in all the wrong forms. So spare me the words. Actions speak louder then words. I'll stop with the words; because in truth they mean nothing. And in truth, I'm tired of playing games; because recently all I've done is lost. Take some action; or no reaction will occur.

Don't be an emo, get over it. Let the words go, let the actions cause a reaction and get a move on. Just my opinion but I'm tired of the routine. This spontaneous activity is becoming the norm. Take control of the situation and get what you want; its not always the best to settle for what you've got, or what you achieve. Believe it or not; sometimes its not just hard to get, they're just not that into you, but you'll never know until you try.

Song of the day:

Devotion - More than words

How easy it would be to show me how you feel, how easily I could do the same... sometimes it takes more courage than you think.

56 Remaining.

Close to me, close to you? Close to nothing. Why is it so hard to get to close to someone? Sometimes, its because you're afraid to hurt them... How do porcupines for example get close to each other. Do they get close to each other? With so many quills, so many sharp points, would getting close just hurt the other...? Realization is that if you're careful, and slow like the porcupines, odds are you wont hurt each other. Take things slow... don't rush things and realize that in the end you could hurt each other, that's the risk you take. In the end the risk might pay off... without this risk, you'll never know what it'll be like. So take the lumps with the mashed potatoes as the saying goes and let what comes come. Come what may.

Why don't I follow my own advice? Probably has something to do with the fact that most of it is unrealistic and lacks practicality. Easily said, hard to do. When I've built my own barrier; when I've been so isolated. When I've never truly understood warmth, and learned to live without; it seems like something foreign, pleasant but confusing... and even scary. Maybe someday I'll realize that I should accept it as it comes, because someday it just might not be there. Lean while I can before what's supporting me is no longer there... and take what I'm offered before its taken away.

Song of the day:

Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge - Come What May

Never knew I could feel like this, like I've never seen the sky before...

58 Remaining.

Let's be realistic. Love hurts. Don't complain about love as it's the double edged sword. Don't cry over someone who's not crying over you. Don't lose sleep over someone who can dream without you. Nothing's forever, not even diamonds and as stated prior, words are cheap. Don't hold onto words that you can't grasp. It takes a breath to say them, and sometimes it takes an ocean of tears to take them back. Sorry for anyone has been caught up in something illusional. Hopefully you walked away stronger. And hopefully I wasn't the one to deal such a blow.

I understand the recieving end hurts. But independence is strength. Human's are oppertunistic, and often cruel. We just need to get over that fact. I knew somewhere along the line, I was being lied to. I knew somewhere along the line, I was getting left behind. And I knew somewhere along the line that if I let go, odd's are I'd never get it back. Why I'm over it all? I brought it upon myself.

Regret is a terrible thing; so don't do it, just improve the future. What's done is done. You can't fix the exam you've written, you can't fix the relationships beyond repair, and the only thing that mends the broken heart is time. To regret develops unfinished business. The last thing you want to do is die regretting you never lived to complete the business. The last thing you want to do is die thinking you needed to do something, the last thing you want to do is die thinking you left everything behind.

Fight a regret? Realize what you want. Imagine forever. Idealize... and be an optimist. Be spontaneous, do what you want before you realize you wont get a chance. Stop the one night stands and take a stand for your future. Or when you realize what you want, it will no longer be in your reach. Oppertunities by definition are temporary, so be oppertunistic, nothing is easy.

So what do I regret? Not a whole lot... as to break Humpty Dumpty and put him back together is near impossible, once the egg is cooked, it becomes impossible. What I wish I would have changed? What did I learn from? I wish I would have realized what optimism meant. I wish I didn't walk away from problems. I learned what I want... and what I need to achieve it. I would have changed how I walked away from you. I would have changed how I let everything go. What I realized? Life is longer than I expected it would be... planning for a future is important; just don't start believing in forever.

What brought upon the negative realization entry? A higher power this week decided my week would be hell. Pessimistic? No, just being realistic.

A. You can't be upset if you brought it on yourself
B. When it's your fault admit it
C. Lying results in lying to yourself
D. Make your own standards, it's your life
E. Realize what you want and carry through
F. When you get what you want, don't let go
G. Don't go through life with regret

I can't wait to get out of here. As much as I don't want to run away from this all, it isn't running away if it'll eventually catch up. I just hope it'll get tired.

Song of the day:

Smokey Robinson - Cruisin'

You got it forever? Nothing's forever.