Sometimes... letting go is what you need to do.
The heart you could never have, the mittens you lost in the cold, or the hand you'd never hold...
Sometimes, its easier just to let go than stretch for what is barely there to begin with. Dont stretch for what was never in reach... and dont struggle to carry the load you could never sustain. And its better to forget and leave in the past what may hurt the future.
With every new day, new month, new year, its a new oppertunity to turn over a leaf... and leave it all behind. Its just a matter of making it happen. The new you is just some motivation away. Its an oppertunity to make your life better... to get what you want, need and deserve. With your hands half full... and your baggage from the past trailing behind you, how do you expect to fill your life with wonderful things and accept the future? Its a sign you need to just let it go.
To build the courage to move on is a difficult task, as its mandatory to break down the wall built up of past filled with doubt, regret and snap the binding ropes holding you back... but it is a task that must be done. With faith, hope and desire as your sledgehammers, break down the wall, and build one stronger, brick by brick... building yourself something that can support you... seamless and perfect. Build your life, your dreams... and it all starts with shattering the past.
Don't let wandering thoughts hinder your building... and don't let the ghosts of your past haunt your new wall... as you walk down the road of life... it's now that you must leave behind whats been holding you back. It's now that you can start to recognize what is beside you and ahead of you, and realizing whats always been trailing behind... sometimes, its just better... to push forward and ignore what you leave in the dust. Were the past important; it'll catch up.
Leave nothing unresolved, so in your shattering... dig out all the pieces in yourself... and recognize problems or the ghosts of the past... and come to terms with them, or they will forever hinder you. Accept, forgive... but never forget, what history teaches us is history repeats itself, so in the end prevent the repeat, learn from our mistakes, and recognize our values. In leaving what holds you back, you must break the chains in which they hold you with. Resolve... and revolutionize your life.
Let go of what you're holding onto, and break the hold of what holds onto you. When you drop the burdens in your hands... in your hearts... in your baggage, you will walk worry free... your heart no longer heavy... your hands now empty and open to accept the change... and you will be able to run. Run into the future and grasp what you deserve. Get the future you want... it all starts with leaving it all behind.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Friday, December 01, 2006
Everything, but Nothing.
The Girl Who Has Everything, Yet Nothing to Love.
Everyday she wakes up to a family that pampers her. The breakfast made for her. And the day that awaits her. Her day is showered with her run ins with friends and acquaintances, and she appears to be the happiest and most popular girl in the world. More friends than fingers and toes, more admirers than body parts... what more could she want? She shops to no end, buys shoes, shirts and skirts... to fill that void inside. The luxury, the fame, the fashion and the friends, but is there love?
You can offer this girl shoes, but to her they are replaceable and plenty more at home. Offer her a meal and she will be full for but a moment. Offer her friendship and she will have one more contact in her phone book. Offer her love and she will be lost without an idea what to do and deny the one thing she doesn't have. What she doesnt realize is that is the love better than all she has...
In the material world, this girl has everything. Everything is perfect on the outside... but how does she feel on the inside? When you are the girl who yearns for "everything", think of what you're getting... think of how you will be the girl who puts a price on everything but never can find love... never values the love, because when its there, you seek the price of it.
Should you know how to love, know what love is... truly value love, feel love. Wish for nothing more. Love is what gives hope, faith and happiness, priceless. You can give a girl everything, but the one who has love, wouldn't trade it for anything... or would she.
The Boy Who Has Everything, Yet Nothing to Love.
He has friends, he's an athlete. He's the jock, the star, the guy with the nice car. The posse everyone loves to hate. The laughter, the mocking, the ever present popularity. He has the friends he can't trust, followers like Jesus himself, however is hated by the greater majority. Fortunately to him, they are but insects and he has the approval of those he finds important.
Materialistically he has everything he wants, everything he needs... in his eyes he has the world at his fingertips... but really what does he have? He carries on him the hate of those he bullies, he carries the guilt of the girls he's hurt... and so much more. Finds pride in the number of drinks he consumes, girls he hurts and insults he makes. His career is of no concern, because the moment is perfect.
But really... life is no popularity contest, and he has no one to trust, no one to love and overall the guy false tears will be shed for. To fill the void of love, he fills it with false laughter, alcohol and popularity. The guy everyone wants to be, but everyone hates... funny thing is? He ends up with the Girl With Everything but Nothing to Love.
What they make
They fill each others void of nothing to love with the false image of love. Fill the void with physical love. Give each other nothing but social satisfaction and give no value to each other. Picture perfect in the eyes of others, superficial, but their voids are still there.
You may not be the girl who has everything, or the boy who has everything, but everyone knows this relationship. The one where you try to fill the void of love with someone... someone who you don't love, but you seem to think they fit the image. The attempt to be in a relationship without love, is fooling no one but yourselves. If you cannot trust yourself, who can you trust? You will be in the end with nothing. As what is truly of value you have no understanding of... as what you need you have no idea until its no longer availible.
Being the boy or the girl is not nearly as bad as being in the loveless relationship. Sometimes a few sweet words and the most beautiful gifts have no meaning, except "Help me fill the void, and lets play a game; its called Charades."
If you're the boy or the girl... maybe its time to reevaluate that role... if you are in that relationship, maybe its time to evaluate the relationship. How much do you "love" them? Really.
Everyday she wakes up to a family that pampers her. The breakfast made for her. And the day that awaits her. Her day is showered with her run ins with friends and acquaintances, and she appears to be the happiest and most popular girl in the world. More friends than fingers and toes, more admirers than body parts... what more could she want? She shops to no end, buys shoes, shirts and skirts... to fill that void inside. The luxury, the fame, the fashion and the friends, but is there love?
You can offer this girl shoes, but to her they are replaceable and plenty more at home. Offer her a meal and she will be full for but a moment. Offer her friendship and she will have one more contact in her phone book. Offer her love and she will be lost without an idea what to do and deny the one thing she doesn't have. What she doesnt realize is that is the love better than all she has...
In the material world, this girl has everything. Everything is perfect on the outside... but how does she feel on the inside? When you are the girl who yearns for "everything", think of what you're getting... think of how you will be the girl who puts a price on everything but never can find love... never values the love, because when its there, you seek the price of it.
Should you know how to love, know what love is... truly value love, feel love. Wish for nothing more. Love is what gives hope, faith and happiness, priceless. You can give a girl everything, but the one who has love, wouldn't trade it for anything... or would she.
The Boy Who Has Everything, Yet Nothing to Love.
He has friends, he's an athlete. He's the jock, the star, the guy with the nice car. The posse everyone loves to hate. The laughter, the mocking, the ever present popularity. He has the friends he can't trust, followers like Jesus himself, however is hated by the greater majority. Fortunately to him, they are but insects and he has the approval of those he finds important.
Materialistically he has everything he wants, everything he needs... in his eyes he has the world at his fingertips... but really what does he have? He carries on him the hate of those he bullies, he carries the guilt of the girls he's hurt... and so much more. Finds pride in the number of drinks he consumes, girls he hurts and insults he makes. His career is of no concern, because the moment is perfect.
But really... life is no popularity contest, and he has no one to trust, no one to love and overall the guy false tears will be shed for. To fill the void of love, he fills it with false laughter, alcohol and popularity. The guy everyone wants to be, but everyone hates... funny thing is? He ends up with the Girl With Everything but Nothing to Love.
What they make
They fill each others void of nothing to love with the false image of love. Fill the void with physical love. Give each other nothing but social satisfaction and give no value to each other. Picture perfect in the eyes of others, superficial, but their voids are still there.
You may not be the girl who has everything, or the boy who has everything, but everyone knows this relationship. The one where you try to fill the void of love with someone... someone who you don't love, but you seem to think they fit the image. The attempt to be in a relationship without love, is fooling no one but yourselves. If you cannot trust yourself, who can you trust? You will be in the end with nothing. As what is truly of value you have no understanding of... as what you need you have no idea until its no longer availible.
Being the boy or the girl is not nearly as bad as being in the loveless relationship. Sometimes a few sweet words and the most beautiful gifts have no meaning, except "Help me fill the void, and lets play a game; its called Charades."
If you're the boy or the girl... maybe its time to reevaluate that role... if you are in that relationship, maybe its time to evaluate the relationship. How much do you "love" them? Really.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Lest we forget.
Memorial Day, Remembrance Day, Decoration Day.
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.
On this day, we have more to remember, more to be thankful for and more to miss than sometimes we care to take note of. One day a year designated to those who have given so much... for everyday of freedom we have, we owe it to someone, and we should be remembering every day.
Indeed, death is something that touches us all and someday takes us all... but memories is something untouchable. Memory itself is immortal. Mourn not, but remember. Be proud of the life lived, and live strong for that memory. Only the living can do something in their memory... live such that they would be proud to see you alive.
We can put blame on governments, wars, people, politics... the list goes on... however in the end, no amount of blame will return lives... what's done is done, and let us stop the blame and remember what the deaths were for... recognize their significance and allow ourselves to accept what sacrifices were made and attempt to understand why.
When least expected, death touches us all and occasionally tears us apart, but brings tears to our eyes. Sometimes death brings us together to recognize the strength of bonds made and once again reminds us of the love that binds us. Gives us the strength to admit to ourselves who those important to us are, and gives us the guilt to make a change in the way we're living.
The key to acceptance is realization that they're never gone... lives that have touched you can never take back that contact. Though physical existance has gone... no one can take those memories away. Though sometimes we feel guilty... its no ones fault. God works in mysterious ways, lessons are learned and what may be Fate is fufilled. What we can do, is keep them alive, in memories and in our thoughts. Let us not take their deaths and lives in vain. Lest we forget.
You never recognize a good thing till its gone... death is the extreme of this continium that forces us to recognize it. The gravity of this event is substantial and affects us in ways we dont understand. Excuses are often made, as questions are asked. Its all in the ways we deal with it. But in the end we learn to accept it. Maybe death is something God made for us to see that we need to cherish what we have before its too late... we never miss the water until its gone... but we can't live without it.
Even with time, don't forget. Though we allocate one day a year. Never forget. Once we forget... our memories serve us no purpose... and our hearts serve no loyalty. Everyday, take a second, breathe and be happy we're alive. It's a privelege. Life owes us no existance. We are alive to make a difference while we're alive. And when we pass... we only hope we have affected those we've been in contact with. We are all soldiers, battling what life throws us, and we all have the potential to be heroes.
Let go of those petty things... petty arguments... petty anger... you never know what maybe goodbye. Let us form alliances, friendships and marks in each others lives unerasable.
The brave die never, though they sleep in dust:
Their courage nerves a thousand living men.
~Minot J. Savage
Our courage in life is what is recognized, as we brave the front lines. In our dreams... in our hearts... let them live on. Remember the sacrifices made. In the end never stop remembering.
Open up your heart, Open up your mind.
Song of the day:
Our Lady Peace - Life
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.
On this day, we have more to remember, more to be thankful for and more to miss than sometimes we care to take note of. One day a year designated to those who have given so much... for everyday of freedom we have, we owe it to someone, and we should be remembering every day.
Indeed, death is something that touches us all and someday takes us all... but memories is something untouchable. Memory itself is immortal. Mourn not, but remember. Be proud of the life lived, and live strong for that memory. Only the living can do something in their memory... live such that they would be proud to see you alive.
We can put blame on governments, wars, people, politics... the list goes on... however in the end, no amount of blame will return lives... what's done is done, and let us stop the blame and remember what the deaths were for... recognize their significance and allow ourselves to accept what sacrifices were made and attempt to understand why.
When least expected, death touches us all and occasionally tears us apart, but brings tears to our eyes. Sometimes death brings us together to recognize the strength of bonds made and once again reminds us of the love that binds us. Gives us the strength to admit to ourselves who those important to us are, and gives us the guilt to make a change in the way we're living.
The key to acceptance is realization that they're never gone... lives that have touched you can never take back that contact. Though physical existance has gone... no one can take those memories away. Though sometimes we feel guilty... its no ones fault. God works in mysterious ways, lessons are learned and what may be Fate is fufilled. What we can do, is keep them alive, in memories and in our thoughts. Let us not take their deaths and lives in vain. Lest we forget.
You never recognize a good thing till its gone... death is the extreme of this continium that forces us to recognize it. The gravity of this event is substantial and affects us in ways we dont understand. Excuses are often made, as questions are asked. Its all in the ways we deal with it. But in the end we learn to accept it. Maybe death is something God made for us to see that we need to cherish what we have before its too late... we never miss the water until its gone... but we can't live without it.
Even with time, don't forget. Though we allocate one day a year. Never forget. Once we forget... our memories serve us no purpose... and our hearts serve no loyalty. Everyday, take a second, breathe and be happy we're alive. It's a privelege. Life owes us no existance. We are alive to make a difference while we're alive. And when we pass... we only hope we have affected those we've been in contact with. We are all soldiers, battling what life throws us, and we all have the potential to be heroes.
Let go of those petty things... petty arguments... petty anger... you never know what maybe goodbye. Let us form alliances, friendships and marks in each others lives unerasable.
The brave die never, though they sleep in dust:
Their courage nerves a thousand living men.
~Minot J. Savage
Our courage in life is what is recognized, as we brave the front lines. In our dreams... in our hearts... let them live on. Remember the sacrifices made. In the end never stop remembering.
Open up your heart, Open up your mind.
Song of the day:
Our Lady Peace - Life
Sunday, October 29, 2006
[Right]Wrong Reasons
Why do you do things...? Who do you do them for...?
Who are you achieving for? To fufill your dreams or your parents'? Do you help others to boost your self esteem, or to grant others their small dreams... Do you participate in activities to take your mind off things... or to put your mind in a place that you enjoy? What are you doing and who is it for... What are your intentions?
Why do you care? Because its socially unacceptable to say that you don't, or is there actually meaning in your feelings of dislike... or approval? Don't pretend to believe, dont bend your values; you may lie to others... please others but you lie to yourself. When you can't trust yourself, who can you trust?
Why push yourself to achieve other peoples dreams when you're not happy with your life? You're just convincing yourself you want something... when really what you need is something else. If you're selfless to the extent when your living for someone else... where do you find value in yourself...? Do they value you...?
What are you working for... for the satisfaction, for the joy... for the money... It's your life, and what you accomplish is what you live with. Don't let this tell you how to live your life. Don't let materials drive your life... Don't let society control how you live.
Look in the mirror and ask yourself if you like what you see. If you can approve of what your doing... who you've become and who you will be, you're the best you can be.
Don't let the moment slip by for you to perform to achieve your goals... please yourself... not the audience... help for the sake of helping... and not for the recognition. The world is your stage... though the audience may be watching... in the end... its the directors vision that is fufilled... you decide the outcome... the audience is just there to see the results...
Be selfish when you need, and selfless when it counts... live life from the heart... because when you live for someone elses, you have no control for when your heart breaks. The threads to your heart are then tied to places beyond control... and when the threads are cut... the origins are where you trace back your pain to. When you're happy with who you are and what you're doing, when you're dissapointed... theres no one to blame but yourself... and often, its easier to forgive ourselves so keep track of your heart strings and play your own songs... When you anchor your heart to others... you never know when they'll pull away.
Live for the right reasons... and make the best of whats left of your life, when you live for the "wrong" reasons... your live becomes someone elses. Life is your vehicle, you are the driver... how you push it, modify it, what you put into it... its up to you... when your friends are put in control, and you crash... who do you blame? Sometimes its good to have a mechanic take a look, fix you up... cause you can't do it all alone... but just remember... you get yourself from Point A to Point B.
Who are you achieving for? To fufill your dreams or your parents'? Do you help others to boost your self esteem, or to grant others their small dreams... Do you participate in activities to take your mind off things... or to put your mind in a place that you enjoy? What are you doing and who is it for... What are your intentions?
Why do you care? Because its socially unacceptable to say that you don't, or is there actually meaning in your feelings of dislike... or approval? Don't pretend to believe, dont bend your values; you may lie to others... please others but you lie to yourself. When you can't trust yourself, who can you trust?
Why push yourself to achieve other peoples dreams when you're not happy with your life? You're just convincing yourself you want something... when really what you need is something else. If you're selfless to the extent when your living for someone else... where do you find value in yourself...? Do they value you...?
What are you working for... for the satisfaction, for the joy... for the money... It's your life, and what you accomplish is what you live with. Don't let this tell you how to live your life. Don't let materials drive your life... Don't let society control how you live.
Look in the mirror and ask yourself if you like what you see. If you can approve of what your doing... who you've become and who you will be, you're the best you can be.
Don't let the moment slip by for you to perform to achieve your goals... please yourself... not the audience... help for the sake of helping... and not for the recognition. The world is your stage... though the audience may be watching... in the end... its the directors vision that is fufilled... you decide the outcome... the audience is just there to see the results...
Be selfish when you need, and selfless when it counts... live life from the heart... because when you live for someone elses, you have no control for when your heart breaks. The threads to your heart are then tied to places beyond control... and when the threads are cut... the origins are where you trace back your pain to. When you're happy with who you are and what you're doing, when you're dissapointed... theres no one to blame but yourself... and often, its easier to forgive ourselves so keep track of your heart strings and play your own songs... When you anchor your heart to others... you never know when they'll pull away.
Live for the right reasons... and make the best of whats left of your life, when you live for the "wrong" reasons... your live becomes someone elses. Life is your vehicle, you are the driver... how you push it, modify it, what you put into it... its up to you... when your friends are put in control, and you crash... who do you blame? Sometimes its good to have a mechanic take a look, fix you up... cause you can't do it all alone... but just remember... you get yourself from Point A to Point B.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Not Knowing.
Indirection, Redirection, Misdirection... how I've been misguided... rerouted... and blind to the facts of life. How you live your daily life in miniscule lies, you don't even realize. How our perceptions are skewed by the immoral value system and prioritization. How everyday we wake up and take the smallest things for granted. Day after day, minute after minute... and with each second, and each breath, we don't realize what is truly precious. The moments we have to embrance what we've been given... wasted.
Does it make it worse when you realize and regret it? Or is it worse to not know... The worst feeling of all... is being confused... lost and completely unsure where the truth is. At that point. Take a second, breathe, grasp that second and hold onto the ground you're standing on. The longer it takes for you to clutch the moment and bring yourself to reality, the longer it will take for you to stop wasting your time and realize what you need to do. Learn to understand what's happening, interpret it... and recognize your surroundings... its reactions.
In the moment, its usually appealing to do what we want at that time... not look too far... and take the present for granted... but for all the times that tell you to "Hurry up", for every ten times sometimes tells you "Let's go" listen to me just once... and relax... and lets not take the future for granted... slow things down... or when the future becomes the present, you may not be happy with how you've made it. Think of whats best for you. When you find the balance for the speed of life you should be living for your best interests... life will become ideal, past, present, future.
Unfortunately, finding this velocity isn't something that is easy, automatic or possible. It's not a physics equation, not a mathematical variable, and not something either innate, or learned. It's inevitable to go to fast... to take time for granted and its impossible to live a "perfect" life... but simply remember time is a limited thing, don't waste it, but also, realize that life isnt something to whip by, because some day, you won't be able to go back and change what you've ripped past. Life is a one way street, there aren't any U-Turns except in memories, someday, memories will be all we have.
In this day and age, we're always late for something... when life is measured by the speed of your computer, by deadlines, dates, and agendas to be fufilled, its tough to sit and reflect, but really, slow things down. Think things through... some decisions are worth making, and should be made properly. Don't try to push too fast in the world thats moving faster than you can catch up to. A daily error is wanting things to simply be over with... someday that future we've all awaited will meet us... life isn't something we can rewind, why rush to get older? Whether our future that meets us will be what we want... is really up to us, and is dependant on the past and the present... make your future what you want it to be... and just "slow things down".
Does it make it worse when you realize and regret it? Or is it worse to not know... The worst feeling of all... is being confused... lost and completely unsure where the truth is. At that point. Take a second, breathe, grasp that second and hold onto the ground you're standing on. The longer it takes for you to clutch the moment and bring yourself to reality, the longer it will take for you to stop wasting your time and realize what you need to do. Learn to understand what's happening, interpret it... and recognize your surroundings... its reactions.
In the moment, its usually appealing to do what we want at that time... not look too far... and take the present for granted... but for all the times that tell you to "Hurry up", for every ten times sometimes tells you "Let's go" listen to me just once... and relax... and lets not take the future for granted... slow things down... or when the future becomes the present, you may not be happy with how you've made it. Think of whats best for you. When you find the balance for the speed of life you should be living for your best interests... life will become ideal, past, present, future.
Unfortunately, finding this velocity isn't something that is easy, automatic or possible. It's not a physics equation, not a mathematical variable, and not something either innate, or learned. It's inevitable to go to fast... to take time for granted and its impossible to live a "perfect" life... but simply remember time is a limited thing, don't waste it, but also, realize that life isnt something to whip by, because some day, you won't be able to go back and change what you've ripped past. Life is a one way street, there aren't any U-Turns except in memories, someday, memories will be all we have.
In this day and age, we're always late for something... when life is measured by the speed of your computer, by deadlines, dates, and agendas to be fufilled, its tough to sit and reflect, but really, slow things down. Think things through... some decisions are worth making, and should be made properly. Don't try to push too fast in the world thats moving faster than you can catch up to. A daily error is wanting things to simply be over with... someday that future we've all awaited will meet us... life isn't something we can rewind, why rush to get older? Whether our future that meets us will be what we want... is really up to us, and is dependant on the past and the present... make your future what you want it to be... and just "slow things down".
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Distant
Where are you now? Where am I? Where have I been? What's changed.
What puts the distance between people, be it emotionally or physically. Geographically... being in the same city, or province, makes it feasible to visit within reason... technology allows us to interact on a fairly personal level. But what happens when the contact is severed?
Make an effort... or look and see if the other person is making an effort... it's tough sitting waiting for a call... or waiting for a text... someone to come online... etc if you really need to talk... if you need it... close the gap. If you don't want to... and they don't get to it, don't ponder it... if that person feels too distant... and nothing can close that gap, it becomes the equivilant of the Grand Canyon, and isn't going to fix itself, so forget it. Theres no time where its been easier to interact...
If neither of you make an effort to get in touch... that says a lot about your relationship... in this day and age, it doesn't take much. Then you start to feel... like you've been far away for far too long... when its really, just a click, a call, a second away... and it becomes the past... they become a piece of your past... and thats how regrets happen. Don't let it happen... because somewhere in there, you miss them, and they miss you. Theres probably a reason why they were in your life to begin with..
Song of the day:
Nickleback - Far away
Far away for far too long
What puts the distance between people, be it emotionally or physically. Geographically... being in the same city, or province, makes it feasible to visit within reason... technology allows us to interact on a fairly personal level. But what happens when the contact is severed?
Make an effort... or look and see if the other person is making an effort... it's tough sitting waiting for a call... or waiting for a text... someone to come online... etc if you really need to talk... if you need it... close the gap. If you don't want to... and they don't get to it, don't ponder it... if that person feels too distant... and nothing can close that gap, it becomes the equivilant of the Grand Canyon, and isn't going to fix itself, so forget it. Theres no time where its been easier to interact...
If neither of you make an effort to get in touch... that says a lot about your relationship... in this day and age, it doesn't take much. Then you start to feel... like you've been far away for far too long... when its really, just a click, a call, a second away... and it becomes the past... they become a piece of your past... and thats how regrets happen. Don't let it happen... because somewhere in there, you miss them, and they miss you. Theres probably a reason why they were in your life to begin with..
Song of the day:
Nickleback - Far away
Far away for far too long
Monday, September 11, 2006
Not Enough.
Have you ever felt the world and everyone around you asks too much from you? Tell you what to do, how to do them, but really... it takes too much out of you to do so? The worst part is that sometimes you know that they're right. But its the pressure thats too much. Being right isn't the concept, its respect and personal space... understanding... its not wasting time... It's realizing that conquerers conquer in a lifetime.
Why don't you just let time stop for a second. One time... just lay there... and forget the world. If it gets done now... if it gets done later... what changes? As long as it gets done. We all run at our own paces... often with breaks... occasionally with pauses and sometimes our comfortable pace is the best for us... why is it that deadlines, due dates and demands run our lives? In the corporate world, they have control.. but when it comes to our personal lives... why is it that our life begins to look like a phone bill... every second costs us something... every call, piece of communication takes time and a bit out of our pocket... and if we don't pay our dues... we'll pay for it later. Don't make your life and your friends a part of the corporate billing by the second world.
Take a look at ourselves... why the demands... why the deadlines. School be school, work be work... and these demand deadlines... but when it comes to life and decision making, take it slow. Take a second to breathe. Before we get too old and find out its too late... and give me that same priveledge, or before you know it... I'll walk out of your life too. Because I'm not something you pay your time too... I don't make demands on payment... and I don't charge interest... simple as that. Membership is free... and no commitments required.
Give everyone that oppertunity. Life is stressful... relationships shouldn't provide more of that stress. Sometimes... you just have to lower your expectations, and increase your patience quotient... because sometimes... your pace isn't someone elses... the world wasn't built in a day... we weren't born walking... and I don't wake up everyday telling myself in order to fufill my friendships I must appease you by doing such and such. When I wake up like that... remind me to tell you that I hate you... for killing what's left of me and my personality.
Song of the day:
Snow Patrol - Chasing cars
Just know that these things will never change for us at all... because I know that I don't want anyone or anything to change for me.
Why don't you just let time stop for a second. One time... just lay there... and forget the world. If it gets done now... if it gets done later... what changes? As long as it gets done. We all run at our own paces... often with breaks... occasionally with pauses and sometimes our comfortable pace is the best for us... why is it that deadlines, due dates and demands run our lives? In the corporate world, they have control.. but when it comes to our personal lives... why is it that our life begins to look like a phone bill... every second costs us something... every call, piece of communication takes time and a bit out of our pocket... and if we don't pay our dues... we'll pay for it later. Don't make your life and your friends a part of the corporate billing by the second world.
Take a look at ourselves... why the demands... why the deadlines. School be school, work be work... and these demand deadlines... but when it comes to life and decision making, take it slow. Take a second to breathe. Before we get too old and find out its too late... and give me that same priveledge, or before you know it... I'll walk out of your life too. Because I'm not something you pay your time too... I don't make demands on payment... and I don't charge interest... simple as that. Membership is free... and no commitments required.
Give everyone that oppertunity. Life is stressful... relationships shouldn't provide more of that stress. Sometimes... you just have to lower your expectations, and increase your patience quotient... because sometimes... your pace isn't someone elses... the world wasn't built in a day... we weren't born walking... and I don't wake up everyday telling myself in order to fufill my friendships I must appease you by doing such and such. When I wake up like that... remind me to tell you that I hate you... for killing what's left of me and my personality.
Song of the day:
Snow Patrol - Chasing cars
Just know that these things will never change for us at all... because I know that I don't want anyone or anything to change for me.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Grow up.
Take some responsibility for your actions. Realize what went wrong, fix it. Realize what you can change, do it. Make it your goal in life. It'll help you grow up and mature. Maybe age has no factor in that. Experience does; growing up isnt about how old you are, or the gray hairs on your head. Maturation is taking control of the situation and handling it LIKE an adult. There's children that handle some things better than adults... adulthood is just a stereotype. There are ton's of incompetant adults. Don't let yourself fall into that trap. Follow through on what you say you will. Make things happen. Troubleshoot. Make you're own decisions. Conformity is childsplay. Trends and cliques are "so last year" and lets be humane. Stereotypes, Santa Clause and Stupidity are the joys of childhood. Take your punishment as it is served; lumps in your potatoes and enjoy life. Pouting gets you no where so put a smile on tomorrow, and realize you control your life. You're not getting babied for ever. And if you're looking for sympathy in someone. Realize this; why let someone feel sorry for you; just feel sorry for yourself and make a change. Not even God can help someone who can't help himself. That's why, they're just prayers.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Blame REdirection
Why is it that we always try to blame someone for something that goes wrong?
Blame someone, something... some unforeseen cirumstance, thats human nature. Why not just blame fate, or misfortune? Blame yourself, and prevent the next occurance. Why deter blame, make yourself feel better by making someone feel worse, or simply placing the error elsewhere? Does that make you feel like the bigger person? The better person?
Next time something goes wrong, think about what happened. How it happened, and how it could have been prevented. Often case, you realize the way thigns worked out, they couldnt have been prevented. Unavoidable, unpredictable, and no precautions could have changed it.
Like blaming a drunk driver for the death after an accident, we could blame the driver's irresponsibility, we could blame the failure for the victim to brake or have their seatbelts on or what have you, we could blame the bartender... the friends for not taking the keys, the list goes on. Resultant however, is that the victim is dead, nothing will change that... the accident has happened.
So why blame? So someone can feel better about the loss? To make someone's life miserable? Blame is a horrible thing... innocent until proven guilty. With anything as simple as who spilt the juice, to an impaired driving death. If you are at fault... then take your punishment... if you pulled the short straw and something unpredicatble happened. Leave it to fate... don't find excuses and outs to what went wrong... because that makes life that much more complicated.
The one thing I ask is, blame me no more. For what I've done, for what may happen. It's true we can forgive, sometimes unlikely for us to forget. And of course as much as we'd like to believe that our sins are forgiven and etc. We must take what we are given and understand consequences for our actions. Every action is met with an equal reaction. I'm prepared to take mine, but not yours.
Blame someone, something... some unforeseen cirumstance, thats human nature. Why not just blame fate, or misfortune? Blame yourself, and prevent the next occurance. Why deter blame, make yourself feel better by making someone feel worse, or simply placing the error elsewhere? Does that make you feel like the bigger person? The better person?
Next time something goes wrong, think about what happened. How it happened, and how it could have been prevented. Often case, you realize the way thigns worked out, they couldnt have been prevented. Unavoidable, unpredictable, and no precautions could have changed it.
Like blaming a drunk driver for the death after an accident, we could blame the driver's irresponsibility, we could blame the failure for the victim to brake or have their seatbelts on or what have you, we could blame the bartender... the friends for not taking the keys, the list goes on. Resultant however, is that the victim is dead, nothing will change that... the accident has happened.
So why blame? So someone can feel better about the loss? To make someone's life miserable? Blame is a horrible thing... innocent until proven guilty. With anything as simple as who spilt the juice, to an impaired driving death. If you are at fault... then take your punishment... if you pulled the short straw and something unpredicatble happened. Leave it to fate... don't find excuses and outs to what went wrong... because that makes life that much more complicated.
The one thing I ask is, blame me no more. For what I've done, for what may happen. It's true we can forgive, sometimes unlikely for us to forget. And of course as much as we'd like to believe that our sins are forgiven and etc. We must take what we are given and understand consequences for our actions. Every action is met with an equal reaction. I'm prepared to take mine, but not yours.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Age.
What changes between 8 and 28? I mean really what changes?
I tell 8 year olds things like "Share", or "Be responsible", even things like "Be nice" and often case they listen. But what happens as we get older. As we learn to stray from that. Become greedy, inconsiderate and no longer aim to please. We simply aim for personal pleasure. Even a child, understands the most basic rules of being a human. But, these get neglected as we grow old. And parents wonder; how does my child turn out like that? Little do they realize; they're not often the best example.
When we wonder what's happening to our youth, we need to look at ourselves, and see what values we're really promoting. And think about whether or not we practice what we preach.
What really changes? Is it honestly human nature for us to be selfish, inconsiderate and absolutely rude? As we grow up, I think we're deteriorating. Why that is... is up to you yourself to figure out, and ensure you're making for a better next generation.
I tell 8 year olds things like "Share", or "Be responsible", even things like "Be nice" and often case they listen. But what happens as we get older. As we learn to stray from that. Become greedy, inconsiderate and no longer aim to please. We simply aim for personal pleasure. Even a child, understands the most basic rules of being a human. But, these get neglected as we grow old. And parents wonder; how does my child turn out like that? Little do they realize; they're not often the best example.
When we wonder what's happening to our youth, we need to look at ourselves, and see what values we're really promoting. And think about whether or not we practice what we preach.
What really changes? Is it honestly human nature for us to be selfish, inconsiderate and absolutely rude? As we grow up, I think we're deteriorating. Why that is... is up to you yourself to figure out, and ensure you're making for a better next generation.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
[IN]dividualism
Individualism. At what point do we say individualism is conforming? Developing groups, cliques with similar fashion sense, humor and possibly ideals. At what point do we say that its no longer original but simply a trend?
Do something original and recognize the individualism around you. Don't look and see whats different, look to see whats changed. What makes you who you are, and what makes every person around you who they are. They are a son, a daughter, a brother, sister, mother, father, someone's loved one. In every vehicle, theres someone in there with someone to see, somewhere to be. Open our eyes to humanity. Selfishness is the last thing we need. Selflessness is a feature found in the most humane gods. Selfishness, found in mortals and demi-gods.
Our conformist trends make what's IN individualistic, when really what's IN is measured by our purchasing power, our consumer market, our structured society. Break free of that once in a while and be truly different. Be a true individual and bring back the common threads of humanity. Show what it means to care about more than brand names. Show what it means to love more than diamonds. Show what it means to share more than your french fries. Show respect for your fellow man. Show responsibility for our actions. Show me how you venture from the beaten path of being a horrible "individual". Show me what it truly means to be human, what it means to have a heart, a soul and the ability to be humane. What differentiates us from the animals? Other than fashion sense.
Do something original and recognize the individualism around you. Don't look and see whats different, look to see whats changed. What makes you who you are, and what makes every person around you who they are. They are a son, a daughter, a brother, sister, mother, father, someone's loved one. In every vehicle, theres someone in there with someone to see, somewhere to be. Open our eyes to humanity. Selfishness is the last thing we need. Selflessness is a feature found in the most humane gods. Selfishness, found in mortals and demi-gods.
Our conformist trends make what's IN individualistic, when really what's IN is measured by our purchasing power, our consumer market, our structured society. Break free of that once in a while and be truly different. Be a true individual and bring back the common threads of humanity. Show what it means to care about more than brand names. Show what it means to love more than diamonds. Show what it means to share more than your french fries. Show respect for your fellow man. Show responsibility for our actions. Show me how you venture from the beaten path of being a horrible "individual". Show me what it truly means to be human, what it means to have a heart, a soul and the ability to be humane. What differentiates us from the animals? Other than fashion sense.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Torn -
Torn into pieces, caught inbetween, often irrepairable. One of the worst feelings. Follow your heart, follow your mind... follow your dreams. But really... when they conflict where do you go?
Like the line "Theres the one you love, and the one you marry, lets just hope its the same person". How would it feel living your life, having regret it every day... and wishing you would have picked the alternative. What is the solution?
What decides for you? Who decides for you? In the end, its you. Its not right, or wrong, its right now. Live for the now and first and then the then; but ensure your now leads to a then. Don't pick the right now that makes you miserable then... just because its a right now doesnt mean it has to be dumb. The worst thing in life is regret. When torn think of the long run... but think of what it means to be torn.
To separate forcefully; wrench
To divide or disrupt: was torn between opposing choices
Do you feel your heart wrench, does your sleep get disrupted... your mind divided...?
It could mean right now, or it could mean right. Try to make things right, because when its left behind... you may never make it back. Justify it at the moment and keep justifying it, when you find your justification is convincing yourself, its not worth it... because a part of you knows is wrong. Weigh out the positives, weigh out the consequences... but when done, its done.
As Donnie Brasco puts it "When they send for you, you go in alive, you come out dead, and it's your best friend that does it." so make the right choices, for the right reasons and the right people, and know what makes things worth it... because sometimes, expectations just lead up to dissapointments. On the same note, dont get used to disspointing or dissapointment. It just sets up for a world of hurt. Standards are just benchmarks, setting them lower makes them easier to get surpassed... but as well dont set your expectations too low... or anything will do. Strive for excellence.
Like the line "Theres the one you love, and the one you marry, lets just hope its the same person". How would it feel living your life, having regret it every day... and wishing you would have picked the alternative. What is the solution?
What decides for you? Who decides for you? In the end, its you. Its not right, or wrong, its right now. Live for the now and first and then the then; but ensure your now leads to a then. Don't pick the right now that makes you miserable then... just because its a right now doesnt mean it has to be dumb. The worst thing in life is regret. When torn think of the long run... but think of what it means to be torn.
To separate forcefully; wrench
To divide or disrupt: was torn between opposing choices
Do you feel your heart wrench, does your sleep get disrupted... your mind divided...?
It could mean right now, or it could mean right. Try to make things right, because when its left behind... you may never make it back. Justify it at the moment and keep justifying it, when you find your justification is convincing yourself, its not worth it... because a part of you knows is wrong. Weigh out the positives, weigh out the consequences... but when done, its done.
As Donnie Brasco puts it "When they send for you, you go in alive, you come out dead, and it's your best friend that does it." so make the right choices, for the right reasons and the right people, and know what makes things worth it... because sometimes, expectations just lead up to dissapointments. On the same note, dont get used to disspointing or dissapointment. It just sets up for a world of hurt. Standards are just benchmarks, setting them lower makes them easier to get surpassed... but as well dont set your expectations too low... or anything will do. Strive for excellence.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Gift.
Have you ever woken up realizing it's a gift to do so? That the present is one not to be taken for granted. That a day is 24 hours to cherish? Whoever came up with "tomorrow" was an idiot, because its just another thing to think about to waste today.
Tomorrow is defined as
to·mor·row ( P ) Pronunciation Key (t-môr, -mr)
n.
The day following today.
The future.
How idiotic. You sleep today, and when you wake up its tomorrow, but its actually today... so in essence, tomorrow never comes, you can never actually see it... so its just a waste of time. If we never expected a tomorrow, or put off till tomorrow... everything would be so much more wonderful.
Tomorrow is simply an excuse to neglect the present, don't do that and expect a tomorrow. This world doesn't owe us an existance, just like it doesn't owe us a future or a tomorrow. It would be in our best interest to build a better tomorrow, but waiting endlessly, for things that will never come, for things to "get better" is foolish. Do something with today, to change the next "today", because tomorrow doesn't exist.
Tomorrow is defined as
to·mor·row ( P ) Pronunciation Key (t-môr, -mr)
n.
The day following today.
The future.
How idiotic. You sleep today, and when you wake up its tomorrow, but its actually today... so in essence, tomorrow never comes, you can never actually see it... so its just a waste of time. If we never expected a tomorrow, or put off till tomorrow... everything would be so much more wonderful.
Tomorrow is simply an excuse to neglect the present, don't do that and expect a tomorrow. This world doesn't owe us an existance, just like it doesn't owe us a future or a tomorrow. It would be in our best interest to build a better tomorrow, but waiting endlessly, for things that will never come, for things to "get better" is foolish. Do something with today, to change the next "today", because tomorrow doesn't exist.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Upbringing...
It's been a long time since the last blog, and it's been a long summer. A lot has changed, a lot has stayed the same. A million lessons have been learned, and hopefully at least a thousand stay with me for a lifetime. Memories made, and memories some I wish to be forgotten, but all valuable. Today however, I'd like to touch on everything that makes us who we are today... just upbringing...
In Asia I heard a phrase. Ponder it. "You can feed a body... raise the body... but you can't feed or raise a soul. You can't feed or raise a mind" As much as we like to try as adults to influence to "bring up" youth, we can attempt to... but in the end, the mind is personally molded. Therefore everyone is their own person... let individuality shine. Let who they are be who they are... and don't bother with changing it, change comes from within. Don't let it get to you. Sometimes, it doesn't matter what guidance was or was not present. It's the person. And their personality.
No matter how hard you try to implement your ideologies on another, they are their own soul... their own mind... Feed their body... you can change them physically... but otherwise. You're out of luck. Individuality thats what sets us apart.
Maybe tomorrow I'll open the doors to tomorrow. "Today is a gift, thats why it's called the present"
In Asia I heard a phrase. Ponder it. "You can feed a body... raise the body... but you can't feed or raise a soul. You can't feed or raise a mind" As much as we like to try as adults to influence to "bring up" youth, we can attempt to... but in the end, the mind is personally molded. Therefore everyone is their own person... let individuality shine. Let who they are be who they are... and don't bother with changing it, change comes from within. Don't let it get to you. Sometimes, it doesn't matter what guidance was or was not present. It's the person. And their personality.
No matter how hard you try to implement your ideologies on another, they are their own soul... their own mind... Feed their body... you can change them physically... but otherwise. You're out of luck. Individuality thats what sets us apart.
Maybe tomorrow I'll open the doors to tomorrow. "Today is a gift, thats why it's called the present"
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
4 Remaining.
With every day, comes a new stress, with every breathe comes closer to death. And all the mistakes you've made in the past just become repeats when you're falling apart. Never again would I make those same mistakes. Never again would I want to relive this. Never again.
Choices I've made, despicable. Acquiantances I've made, disposable. Friends I've made, I'll miss you dearly. With every breath taken, I feal its a breath wasted. Time spent without you, is just time spent. And without you all I've have never made it this far. Simply amazing.
All material things made, are material things lost. Those things are left behind... people however, I never want to leave. All and all, its petty. All the things I've thought about... trivial. What's important we often take for granted. And its those things, we'll miss the most.
Some things will just never change... but some things I guess I'll never know. With life, nothing can be expected. And those who fail, were looking for handouts. Tough breaks come when you work the hardest, and yet you fail. Just hope that the time you fail, you have the will to get back up. Whether or not I'll get back up... questionable.
If you've ever been speechlessly frustrated, you know how it feels. If you've ever been backed into a corner backwards and blind in the dark... you understand how lost I am. Please let me be found. And please let me find the light within; because any longer... and I will never see again. I feel like... just breaking down... and staying here forever.
All and all, its like... being so hurt; but not being able to find the wound. Knowing you've wronged, but cant find a right. Worked so hard, only to be shot down. Being so lost, and there seems to be no way. Surrounded by a million people, yet no one I know. Having so much, yet nothing at all... Do you ever feel that way? No more... please...
I feel like dissapearing, just like my world is. I just want... to turn away. Would you miss me?
Song of the day:
Ja Rule - Never Again
I'm tired of feelin the pain but ain't fightin the feelin
Choices I've made, despicable. Acquiantances I've made, disposable. Friends I've made, I'll miss you dearly. With every breath taken, I feal its a breath wasted. Time spent without you, is just time spent. And without you all I've have never made it this far. Simply amazing.
All material things made, are material things lost. Those things are left behind... people however, I never want to leave. All and all, its petty. All the things I've thought about... trivial. What's important we often take for granted. And its those things, we'll miss the most.
Some things will just never change... but some things I guess I'll never know. With life, nothing can be expected. And those who fail, were looking for handouts. Tough breaks come when you work the hardest, and yet you fail. Just hope that the time you fail, you have the will to get back up. Whether or not I'll get back up... questionable.
If you've ever been speechlessly frustrated, you know how it feels. If you've ever been backed into a corner backwards and blind in the dark... you understand how lost I am. Please let me be found. And please let me find the light within; because any longer... and I will never see again. I feel like... just breaking down... and staying here forever.
All and all, its like... being so hurt; but not being able to find the wound. Knowing you've wronged, but cant find a right. Worked so hard, only to be shot down. Being so lost, and there seems to be no way. Surrounded by a million people, yet no one I know. Having so much, yet nothing at all... Do you ever feel that way? No more... please...
I feel like dissapearing, just like my world is. I just want... to turn away. Would you miss me?
Song of the day:
Ja Rule - Never Again
I'm tired of feelin the pain but ain't fightin the feelin
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
5 Remaning.
What's inevitable now is falling apart, frustration and fear. To live in fear, I would rather not live... and to fall apart... I wish I could put myself back together. When all this comes to late, its like developing a hundred more regrets. Where every sixty seconds I'm thinking about my death, its a minute less I'm living, and a minute I'm sad is a piece of an hour I could have been happy.
Live like you're going to die tomorrow. I'm sorry that that's a reality some of us may see. But whats stopping some of us... what keeps us living, is the faith. The drive. The need to live untill tomorrow. The want to be that something. The want to be with that someone. The seconds, minutes, hours, days.. years you want to spend with them. Don't take advantage, don't take for granted, and definitely take all the time you have.
Fate works in mysterious ways, but trust fate, for fate and yourself is all you can trust, and for certain, you can't control what fate is going to slap you with. Thank fate for you. And thank you for what you've given me. Faith. Every moment is treasured. Simply amazing. These are going to be 5 long days.
Song of the day:
Aerosmith - I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing.
Live like you're going to die tomorrow. I'm sorry that that's a reality some of us may see. But whats stopping some of us... what keeps us living, is the faith. The drive. The need to live untill tomorrow. The want to be that something. The want to be with that someone. The seconds, minutes, hours, days.. years you want to spend with them. Don't take advantage, don't take for granted, and definitely take all the time you have.
Fate works in mysterious ways, but trust fate, for fate and yourself is all you can trust, and for certain, you can't control what fate is going to slap you with. Thank fate for you. And thank you for what you've given me. Faith. Every moment is treasured. Simply amazing. These are going to be 5 long days.
Song of the day:
Aerosmith - I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
10 Remaining.
Finals are creeping up and sweeping past me, and when these examinations finish, I'll go through the biggest test of my life, both emotionally and metally, this challenge may be the biggest final for me. Finally closure. Finally results which influence my life. It's not just a grade, its a future.
I paid for tickets 80 days ago... who knows what will come of it. Hopefully it's paying for a change. It's time for a change. Time for a new development. 10 reasons for each day why I need to go away...
Should I leave, and things fall apart, I'll value most what I've left behind. Sometimes it takes a little seperation to understand appreciation. Should I leave, maybe it opens doors and closes the gates I never wish to open, behind the doors, I find the path to my future, behind the gates, I leave behind what can no longer get me. Should I leave, maybe I'll change, I'll mature, I'll fufill myself. Should I leave, maybe I'll realize, what I'm meant to be. Should I leave, maybe I'll think, maybe I'll realize our position in time. Should I leave, I'll finally be able to sleep at night. Should I leave, I'll finally get a break. Should I leave, maybe I'll find my true friends. Should I leave, maybe... you'll realize how it feels to be left behind. Should I leave... I may never come back.
And finally, something may be changing... but suddenly I'm leaving it behind, with hope its something I'll come back to, someone I'll come back to. Someone who this time will be here for me... and someone who will make the change with me. Because this time, I realized why I'll never forget you. Because this time I realized, what you've always wanted.
Six years ago, we had a good year. Six years ago, five of us made a decision. Six years ago, you were there for me. Six years ago, I was there for them. And finally, at the end of that year I've realized all that happened. Six years ago, I shot for standards which were lower than I assumed, because those standards stooped lower than I assumed. Six years ago, everything changed. Six years ago, I was forced to grow up.
Five years ago, you took something that mattered. Five years ago, they took me. Five years ago, we parted once. Five years ago we drifted apart. Five years ago, the cycle began. Five years ago I got hurt. Five years ago, I felt no fear. Five years ago, I felt nothing. Five years ago, nothing else mattered. Five years ago, childhood was stolen from me.
Four years ago, we fell apart. Four years ago, numbers increased. Four years ago, things got rough. Four years ago, I led them. Four years ago, no one was with me. Four years ago, I found no support. Four years ago, you fell apart. Four years ago, I followed suit. Four years ago, they betrayed me. Four years ago, you hurt me most. Four years ago, things fell apart. Four years ago, I made a decision. Four years ago, I began a legacy. Four years ago, you left me. Four years ago, I started remembering. Four years ago... everyone hurt me.
Three years ago, I might have looked forward. Three years ago, things made me angry. Three years ago, you made me angry. Three years ago, nothing had changed me. Three years ago, I made a change. Three years ago, I tried to develop. Three years ago, I failed miserably. Three years ago, I met acceptance. Three years ago, it all came back. Three years ago, I tried to run. Three years ago, it caught up. Three years ago, mistakes were plentiful. Three years ago, I seeked refuge.
Two years ago, they came back. Two years ago, I realized they'd never left. Two years ago, I thought I knew it all. Two years ago, you came back into my life. Two years ago, I wished you'd never left. Two years ago, I was angry you came back. Two years ago, I wish I'd have left. Two years ago, I didn't care. Two years ago, I got betrayed. Two years ago, I fell apart. Two years ago, I couldn't see ahead. Two years ago, you dissapeared.
One year ago, things were changing. One year ago, I wanted change. One year ago, they began to realize. One year ago, I finally made progress. One year ago, I started seeing the future. One year ago, I found faith. One year ago, I started getting lost. One year ago, I met confusion. One year ago... I felt empty.
Through this year, things came back. Things left. People changed. Opinions changed and so did my vision. This year, I made decisions. This year, I realized. This year I believed. This year, faith didn't fail me. This year, things got better. This year things are coming together. This year, I build the future.
Today, things get complicated as I prepare for my change. Today, things are tough enough without reminders. Today, I remember. Today, I feel fear. Today, I want tomorrow. Today, I realize that I won't forget. Today, I realize why things have occured. Today, I realize why we never changed. Today, I realize why I want change. Today, I realized what I really want. Today, I hope. Today, I seek to find what I've searched for. Today... I want you to realize.
What I remember? Where I went wrong. What I regret? Nothing. Why? Experience was essential.
I want to come back. I want to fufill. I want to meet the future. I want life. I want normality. I want what I can never have. I want stability. I want trust. I want most of all, support. I want... it to slip away. I want revenge. I want to forget. I want to rest in peace.
Song of the day:
Selena - Dreaming of You
Late at night when all the world is sleeping. I dream of amnesty.
I paid for tickets 80 days ago... who knows what will come of it. Hopefully it's paying for a change. It's time for a change. Time for a new development. 10 reasons for each day why I need to go away...
Should I leave, and things fall apart, I'll value most what I've left behind. Sometimes it takes a little seperation to understand appreciation. Should I leave, maybe it opens doors and closes the gates I never wish to open, behind the doors, I find the path to my future, behind the gates, I leave behind what can no longer get me. Should I leave, maybe I'll change, I'll mature, I'll fufill myself. Should I leave, maybe I'll realize, what I'm meant to be. Should I leave, maybe I'll think, maybe I'll realize our position in time. Should I leave, I'll finally be able to sleep at night. Should I leave, I'll finally get a break. Should I leave, maybe I'll find my true friends. Should I leave, maybe... you'll realize how it feels to be left behind. Should I leave... I may never come back.
And finally, something may be changing... but suddenly I'm leaving it behind, with hope its something I'll come back to, someone I'll come back to. Someone who this time will be here for me... and someone who will make the change with me. Because this time, I realized why I'll never forget you. Because this time I realized, what you've always wanted.
Six years ago, we had a good year. Six years ago, five of us made a decision. Six years ago, you were there for me. Six years ago, I was there for them. And finally, at the end of that year I've realized all that happened. Six years ago, I shot for standards which were lower than I assumed, because those standards stooped lower than I assumed. Six years ago, everything changed. Six years ago, I was forced to grow up.
Five years ago, you took something that mattered. Five years ago, they took me. Five years ago, we parted once. Five years ago we drifted apart. Five years ago, the cycle began. Five years ago I got hurt. Five years ago, I felt no fear. Five years ago, I felt nothing. Five years ago, nothing else mattered. Five years ago, childhood was stolen from me.
Four years ago, we fell apart. Four years ago, numbers increased. Four years ago, things got rough. Four years ago, I led them. Four years ago, no one was with me. Four years ago, I found no support. Four years ago, you fell apart. Four years ago, I followed suit. Four years ago, they betrayed me. Four years ago, you hurt me most. Four years ago, things fell apart. Four years ago, I made a decision. Four years ago, I began a legacy. Four years ago, you left me. Four years ago, I started remembering. Four years ago... everyone hurt me.
Three years ago, I might have looked forward. Three years ago, things made me angry. Three years ago, you made me angry. Three years ago, nothing had changed me. Three years ago, I made a change. Three years ago, I tried to develop. Three years ago, I failed miserably. Three years ago, I met acceptance. Three years ago, it all came back. Three years ago, I tried to run. Three years ago, it caught up. Three years ago, mistakes were plentiful. Three years ago, I seeked refuge.
Two years ago, they came back. Two years ago, I realized they'd never left. Two years ago, I thought I knew it all. Two years ago, you came back into my life. Two years ago, I wished you'd never left. Two years ago, I was angry you came back. Two years ago, I wish I'd have left. Two years ago, I didn't care. Two years ago, I got betrayed. Two years ago, I fell apart. Two years ago, I couldn't see ahead. Two years ago, you dissapeared.
One year ago, things were changing. One year ago, I wanted change. One year ago, they began to realize. One year ago, I finally made progress. One year ago, I started seeing the future. One year ago, I found faith. One year ago, I started getting lost. One year ago, I met confusion. One year ago... I felt empty.
Through this year, things came back. Things left. People changed. Opinions changed and so did my vision. This year, I made decisions. This year, I realized. This year I believed. This year, faith didn't fail me. This year, things got better. This year things are coming together. This year, I build the future.
Today, things get complicated as I prepare for my change. Today, things are tough enough without reminders. Today, I remember. Today, I feel fear. Today, I want tomorrow. Today, I realize that I won't forget. Today, I realize why things have occured. Today, I realize why we never changed. Today, I realize why I want change. Today, I realized what I really want. Today, I hope. Today, I seek to find what I've searched for. Today... I want you to realize.
What I remember? Where I went wrong. What I regret? Nothing. Why? Experience was essential.
I want to come back. I want to fufill. I want to meet the future. I want life. I want normality. I want what I can never have. I want stability. I want trust. I want most of all, support. I want... it to slip away. I want revenge. I want to forget. I want to rest in peace.
Song of the day:
Selena - Dreaming of You
Late at night when all the world is sleeping. I dream of amnesty.
Monday, April 17, 2006
13 Remaining.
Few hours since my last blog, I've reached another realization. Courage is found in many places, but we need to realize, that courage starts in ourselves.
When no one believes in you, believe in yourself. When you feel like no one can help you help yourself. As much as we like to depend on others... sometimes the only one we can count on is ourselves. Not to say that certain individuals aren't there for you, just sometimes only you can save yourself. Even heaven can't save those who are unwilling to be saved. You make yourself who you are. It doesn't matter how much people put you down, or what society defines as beautiful, smart or perfect. You in yourself are special in your own ways, and the only person you need to please is yourself. If you find you aren't who you want to be, something is wrong, and something needs to change. Courage starts within.
It starts with one thing, just one comment, or one vision, and it grows. It doesn't need to be much... just a little motivation to change, then that motivation builds and gains momentum, then it can't be stopped. The lion's roar is a sound, but backed by the teeth. We're all lions, its whether or not we roar. Do people fear us? We all have the potential, we all have the strength but we on our own need to practice, need to perfect our roar. Maybe then we can scare off criticism. Maybe then we can see ourselves as strong. Maybe then we are the best we can be.
Find the courage to be what we want to be. Sooner or later you'll learn to let go of the bumps in the road and the criticism you've recieved. The things that are important are within us. Sometimes it takes courage to drop certain things, to erase the past, to build the future. But a wall you've broken down to rebuild is often stronger when completed. If what you've previously been living has been a lie, breaking this down can only be a positive.
Seek not the courage in others, courage is within, and from others it will find you. Kind words are nice but word's arent hands to hold onto, take the hands when offered because they aren't afraid you'll pull them down, but realize as well, these are the hands of support, you don't need them; they're just nice to have around. You're strong. We all carry the same brain, the same mental capacity and therefore the same strength. The sun shines regardless, our life is meant to impact others, do not be shaken or your influence is lost in the vibrations of life. Make the biggest impact you can, hit and stop being hit. Tuck emotion under the rug and be all you can be and don't look back, I promise, we won't stir up the past, as it is forgotten.
Song of the day:
Audioslave - Doesn't Remind Me
Bend and shape me I love the way you are
When no one believes in you, believe in yourself. When you feel like no one can help you help yourself. As much as we like to depend on others... sometimes the only one we can count on is ourselves. Not to say that certain individuals aren't there for you, just sometimes only you can save yourself. Even heaven can't save those who are unwilling to be saved. You make yourself who you are. It doesn't matter how much people put you down, or what society defines as beautiful, smart or perfect. You in yourself are special in your own ways, and the only person you need to please is yourself. If you find you aren't who you want to be, something is wrong, and something needs to change. Courage starts within.
It starts with one thing, just one comment, or one vision, and it grows. It doesn't need to be much... just a little motivation to change, then that motivation builds and gains momentum, then it can't be stopped. The lion's roar is a sound, but backed by the teeth. We're all lions, its whether or not we roar. Do people fear us? We all have the potential, we all have the strength but we on our own need to practice, need to perfect our roar. Maybe then we can scare off criticism. Maybe then we can see ourselves as strong. Maybe then we are the best we can be.
Find the courage to be what we want to be. Sooner or later you'll learn to let go of the bumps in the road and the criticism you've recieved. The things that are important are within us. Sometimes it takes courage to drop certain things, to erase the past, to build the future. But a wall you've broken down to rebuild is often stronger when completed. If what you've previously been living has been a lie, breaking this down can only be a positive.
Seek not the courage in others, courage is within, and from others it will find you. Kind words are nice but word's arent hands to hold onto, take the hands when offered because they aren't afraid you'll pull them down, but realize as well, these are the hands of support, you don't need them; they're just nice to have around. You're strong. We all carry the same brain, the same mental capacity and therefore the same strength. The sun shines regardless, our life is meant to impact others, do not be shaken or your influence is lost in the vibrations of life. Make the biggest impact you can, hit and stop being hit. Tuck emotion under the rug and be all you can be and don't look back, I promise, we won't stir up the past, as it is forgotten.
Song of the day:
Audioslave - Doesn't Remind Me
Bend and shape me I love the way you are
Sunday, April 16, 2006
14 Remaining.
It's two weeks today, the end of something tough, the end of something great, the beginning of something phenomenal. In life and death, our accomplishments in life measure our value. Not the clothes we wear, the car we drive... not the money we have or the money we don't have. Material is not what we take with us, what matters is the legacy we leave behind. Should I die tomorrow, mourn me not. Measure my life by the accomplishments I've done and remember how I've touched you. Remember what I've taught you.
Money is something man made, we were born without it. We were born innocent and naked. Unfortunately, we die corrupt and in clothes our money bought. In some causes, in clothes corrupt society purchased for us. Don't clothe yourselves in dirty laundry society attempts to wrap you in. Fight it and be your own person. Do something for the world. Don't wait to be spoon fed an ideology, and most definitely don't spoon feed someone else the load of crap you've been swallowing. Attempt to wash away the dirt that's accumulated on yourself daily. Cleanse yourself of corruption.
God washed the feet of his diciples washing away the dirt collected on the path of life. Just as God washed those feet, we need to wash our own. Cleanse ourselves. Material is insignificant, its what can't be purchased that has value. It's the cleaning process that we can pride ourselves in when we leave this world clean, unashamed and pure as we got here.
Live life as yourself, but live life selflessly. Smile's are free, but worth so much. Sometimes its these things that are priceless. To children who laugh over 300 times a day, we see such an unshatterable glow of happiness and an inevitable recovery from sadness which belong to them. As adults, we laugh an average of 30 times a day, often case less. And that is the reason for sadness, depression and a seriousness we know all too well. Give someone a smile, a laugh, and something to remember, its worth it.
Don't suppose I'll ever know what it means to be a man, and its something I can't change but I'll live around it and try my best to be the best man I can. Do the best I can for the world. Be remembered for what I've done to improve the quality of living around me. Make a change, and be the best you can be. Life can't be measured by the wrapping tape you pull off your brand new Möbler sofa, but it can be measured by all the red tape you broke in life. Names engraved in history along with the dead and gone upperclass society such as... sorry riches don't tend to be remembered.
Who've been remembered? Marx, Lenin, Che, revolutionaries. Revolutionize. Be remembered.
Song of the day:
Goo Goo Dolls - Slide
And I'll do anything you ever dreamed to be complete
Money is something man made, we were born without it. We were born innocent and naked. Unfortunately, we die corrupt and in clothes our money bought. In some causes, in clothes corrupt society purchased for us. Don't clothe yourselves in dirty laundry society attempts to wrap you in. Fight it and be your own person. Do something for the world. Don't wait to be spoon fed an ideology, and most definitely don't spoon feed someone else the load of crap you've been swallowing. Attempt to wash away the dirt that's accumulated on yourself daily. Cleanse yourself of corruption.
God washed the feet of his diciples washing away the dirt collected on the path of life. Just as God washed those feet, we need to wash our own. Cleanse ourselves. Material is insignificant, its what can't be purchased that has value. It's the cleaning process that we can pride ourselves in when we leave this world clean, unashamed and pure as we got here.
Live life as yourself, but live life selflessly. Smile's are free, but worth so much. Sometimes its these things that are priceless. To children who laugh over 300 times a day, we see such an unshatterable glow of happiness and an inevitable recovery from sadness which belong to them. As adults, we laugh an average of 30 times a day, often case less. And that is the reason for sadness, depression and a seriousness we know all too well. Give someone a smile, a laugh, and something to remember, its worth it.
Don't suppose I'll ever know what it means to be a man, and its something I can't change but I'll live around it and try my best to be the best man I can. Do the best I can for the world. Be remembered for what I've done to improve the quality of living around me. Make a change, and be the best you can be. Life can't be measured by the wrapping tape you pull off your brand new Möbler sofa, but it can be measured by all the red tape you broke in life. Names engraved in history along with the dead and gone upperclass society such as... sorry riches don't tend to be remembered.
Who've been remembered? Marx, Lenin, Che, revolutionaries. Revolutionize. Be remembered.
Song of the day:
Goo Goo Dolls - Slide
And I'll do anything you ever dreamed to be complete
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
19 Remaining.
A lot has happened in the last couple weeks, and I've been lost in all I've crashed into. A lot has changed in my world, but reality is, tomorrow should be be so fortunate we'll all wake up to the same sky, and sleep to the same stars. There are times even the stars refuse to shine for me... and these were those times.
As the departure comes closer, this trip, soul seeking journey... or this adventure seems like one that worries me in the back of my mind. I hope this isn't good bye to any of you, just good bye to a part of me. Let me return with a soul.
As we learn to crawl, then walk we gradually learn to support ourselves and we learn to let go. Then when we're old... we find support again. Refuse to find support, I refuse to hold on... and I strive to let go. Reject failure. Even the best fall down some times, its how we get up, how we fight to get up, our drive to achieve, and then finally, its our push to go on living. Theres no difference how weak you are, or where you are in the world, once you win this struggle, the stars are that much more satisfying when you know they shine for you.
Night and day are the same around the world, for the rich, for the poor, for the living. Let you always be priviledged to see the night sky. To see the stars shine bright, and the sun rise strong. Remember as humans we have no right to judge and the stars shine for all of us. Cherish the fact that no matter where we are, theres always something above us. The sky that blankets us, and the heavens that surpass us. Though our individual peace of sky may occasionally be cloudy, it will blow over and the stars will be visible. They're always there... just not always in view.
Play connect the dots with the stars until the sun rise, and chase the sun into the moon and the clouds past the horizon. Draw connections to other people, make the journey and point out nature's beauty. Live not in ignorance, but live with attention, see what's beyond and reach for what's distant. Sometimes the best things are what you work for, and the greatest feeling is getting them. You have truly learned when you have experienced, so experience it. Carry your self, your friends are companions on this journey, be not a burden but take support when necessary and give in when you're strongest. Sometimes a walk alone leaves you lost, cold and helpless. Guiding lights can be found, they're usually in a place called hope; often located in other people. Even when all seems helpless, someone is there for you, recognize this.
Let fate decide not our lives. Let us follow our desires. Should fate have me die tomorrow, let me feel fufilled. Have not regrets. Have not desires. Have fufillment. Do not leave until tomorrow what you can delegate today, as tomorrow is often taken for granted. The best sunrises are those which you watched sunset and waited for sunrise to compare to. What you have worked and waited for, the most anticipated are the finest moments. What makes the differentiations from carbon to diamond is millions of years... and timless polishing. The time, patience and work is immesureable, much like the gleam a diamond shows as the light is captured within it. Live life to the fullest, as living it half full is missing out on half the glass. To live in fear, is to not live at all. To live in expectation, is to live in mediocrity. Live in anticipation of better things, and find them for yourselves. Being able to get them makes allows you to say you've deserved them.
Thank you for being there for me. The heavens shine for all of us and I hope they shine finer for you, thank you for enjoying it with me. Thanks for connecting the dots with me, because without you, the picture is lost.
Song of the day:
Howie Day - Collide
Out of the doubts that fill my mind, I somehow find you and I collide.
As the departure comes closer, this trip, soul seeking journey... or this adventure seems like one that worries me in the back of my mind. I hope this isn't good bye to any of you, just good bye to a part of me. Let me return with a soul.
As we learn to crawl, then walk we gradually learn to support ourselves and we learn to let go. Then when we're old... we find support again. Refuse to find support, I refuse to hold on... and I strive to let go. Reject failure. Even the best fall down some times, its how we get up, how we fight to get up, our drive to achieve, and then finally, its our push to go on living. Theres no difference how weak you are, or where you are in the world, once you win this struggle, the stars are that much more satisfying when you know they shine for you.
Night and day are the same around the world, for the rich, for the poor, for the living. Let you always be priviledged to see the night sky. To see the stars shine bright, and the sun rise strong. Remember as humans we have no right to judge and the stars shine for all of us. Cherish the fact that no matter where we are, theres always something above us. The sky that blankets us, and the heavens that surpass us. Though our individual peace of sky may occasionally be cloudy, it will blow over and the stars will be visible. They're always there... just not always in view.
Play connect the dots with the stars until the sun rise, and chase the sun into the moon and the clouds past the horizon. Draw connections to other people, make the journey and point out nature's beauty. Live not in ignorance, but live with attention, see what's beyond and reach for what's distant. Sometimes the best things are what you work for, and the greatest feeling is getting them. You have truly learned when you have experienced, so experience it. Carry your self, your friends are companions on this journey, be not a burden but take support when necessary and give in when you're strongest. Sometimes a walk alone leaves you lost, cold and helpless. Guiding lights can be found, they're usually in a place called hope; often located in other people. Even when all seems helpless, someone is there for you, recognize this.
Let fate decide not our lives. Let us follow our desires. Should fate have me die tomorrow, let me feel fufilled. Have not regrets. Have not desires. Have fufillment. Do not leave until tomorrow what you can delegate today, as tomorrow is often taken for granted. The best sunrises are those which you watched sunset and waited for sunrise to compare to. What you have worked and waited for, the most anticipated are the finest moments. What makes the differentiations from carbon to diamond is millions of years... and timless polishing. The time, patience and work is immesureable, much like the gleam a diamond shows as the light is captured within it. Live life to the fullest, as living it half full is missing out on half the glass. To live in fear, is to not live at all. To live in expectation, is to live in mediocrity. Live in anticipation of better things, and find them for yourselves. Being able to get them makes allows you to say you've deserved them.
Thank you for being there for me. The heavens shine for all of us and I hope they shine finer for you, thank you for enjoying it with me. Thanks for connecting the dots with me, because without you, the picture is lost.
Song of the day:
Howie Day - Collide
Out of the doubts that fill my mind, I somehow find you and I collide.
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