Where are you now? Where am I? Where have I been? What's changed.
What puts the distance between people, be it emotionally or physically. Geographically... being in the same city, or province, makes it feasible to visit within reason... technology allows us to interact on a fairly personal level. But what happens when the contact is severed?
Make an effort... or look and see if the other person is making an effort... it's tough sitting waiting for a call... or waiting for a text... someone to come online... etc if you really need to talk... if you need it... close the gap. If you don't want to... and they don't get to it, don't ponder it... if that person feels too distant... and nothing can close that gap, it becomes the equivilant of the Grand Canyon, and isn't going to fix itself, so forget it. Theres no time where its been easier to interact...
If neither of you make an effort to get in touch... that says a lot about your relationship... in this day and age, it doesn't take much. Then you start to feel... like you've been far away for far too long... when its really, just a click, a call, a second away... and it becomes the past... they become a piece of your past... and thats how regrets happen. Don't let it happen... because somewhere in there, you miss them, and they miss you. Theres probably a reason why they were in your life to begin with..
Song of the day:
Nickleback - Far away
Far away for far too long
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Monday, September 11, 2006
Not Enough.
Have you ever felt the world and everyone around you asks too much from you? Tell you what to do, how to do them, but really... it takes too much out of you to do so? The worst part is that sometimes you know that they're right. But its the pressure thats too much. Being right isn't the concept, its respect and personal space... understanding... its not wasting time... It's realizing that conquerers conquer in a lifetime.
Why don't you just let time stop for a second. One time... just lay there... and forget the world. If it gets done now... if it gets done later... what changes? As long as it gets done. We all run at our own paces... often with breaks... occasionally with pauses and sometimes our comfortable pace is the best for us... why is it that deadlines, due dates and demands run our lives? In the corporate world, they have control.. but when it comes to our personal lives... why is it that our life begins to look like a phone bill... every second costs us something... every call, piece of communication takes time and a bit out of our pocket... and if we don't pay our dues... we'll pay for it later. Don't make your life and your friends a part of the corporate billing by the second world.
Take a look at ourselves... why the demands... why the deadlines. School be school, work be work... and these demand deadlines... but when it comes to life and decision making, take it slow. Take a second to breathe. Before we get too old and find out its too late... and give me that same priveledge, or before you know it... I'll walk out of your life too. Because I'm not something you pay your time too... I don't make demands on payment... and I don't charge interest... simple as that. Membership is free... and no commitments required.
Give everyone that oppertunity. Life is stressful... relationships shouldn't provide more of that stress. Sometimes... you just have to lower your expectations, and increase your patience quotient... because sometimes... your pace isn't someone elses... the world wasn't built in a day... we weren't born walking... and I don't wake up everyday telling myself in order to fufill my friendships I must appease you by doing such and such. When I wake up like that... remind me to tell you that I hate you... for killing what's left of me and my personality.
Song of the day:
Snow Patrol - Chasing cars
Just know that these things will never change for us at all... because I know that I don't want anyone or anything to change for me.
Why don't you just let time stop for a second. One time... just lay there... and forget the world. If it gets done now... if it gets done later... what changes? As long as it gets done. We all run at our own paces... often with breaks... occasionally with pauses and sometimes our comfortable pace is the best for us... why is it that deadlines, due dates and demands run our lives? In the corporate world, they have control.. but when it comes to our personal lives... why is it that our life begins to look like a phone bill... every second costs us something... every call, piece of communication takes time and a bit out of our pocket... and if we don't pay our dues... we'll pay for it later. Don't make your life and your friends a part of the corporate billing by the second world.
Take a look at ourselves... why the demands... why the deadlines. School be school, work be work... and these demand deadlines... but when it comes to life and decision making, take it slow. Take a second to breathe. Before we get too old and find out its too late... and give me that same priveledge, or before you know it... I'll walk out of your life too. Because I'm not something you pay your time too... I don't make demands on payment... and I don't charge interest... simple as that. Membership is free... and no commitments required.
Give everyone that oppertunity. Life is stressful... relationships shouldn't provide more of that stress. Sometimes... you just have to lower your expectations, and increase your patience quotient... because sometimes... your pace isn't someone elses... the world wasn't built in a day... we weren't born walking... and I don't wake up everyday telling myself in order to fufill my friendships I must appease you by doing such and such. When I wake up like that... remind me to tell you that I hate you... for killing what's left of me and my personality.
Song of the day:
Snow Patrol - Chasing cars
Just know that these things will never change for us at all... because I know that I don't want anyone or anything to change for me.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Grow up.
Take some responsibility for your actions. Realize what went wrong, fix it. Realize what you can change, do it. Make it your goal in life. It'll help you grow up and mature. Maybe age has no factor in that. Experience does; growing up isnt about how old you are, or the gray hairs on your head. Maturation is taking control of the situation and handling it LIKE an adult. There's children that handle some things better than adults... adulthood is just a stereotype. There are ton's of incompetant adults. Don't let yourself fall into that trap. Follow through on what you say you will. Make things happen. Troubleshoot. Make you're own decisions. Conformity is childsplay. Trends and cliques are "so last year" and lets be humane. Stereotypes, Santa Clause and Stupidity are the joys of childhood. Take your punishment as it is served; lumps in your potatoes and enjoy life. Pouting gets you no where so put a smile on tomorrow, and realize you control your life. You're not getting babied for ever. And if you're looking for sympathy in someone. Realize this; why let someone feel sorry for you; just feel sorry for yourself and make a change. Not even God can help someone who can't help himself. That's why, they're just prayers.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Blame REdirection
Why is it that we always try to blame someone for something that goes wrong?
Blame someone, something... some unforeseen cirumstance, thats human nature. Why not just blame fate, or misfortune? Blame yourself, and prevent the next occurance. Why deter blame, make yourself feel better by making someone feel worse, or simply placing the error elsewhere? Does that make you feel like the bigger person? The better person?
Next time something goes wrong, think about what happened. How it happened, and how it could have been prevented. Often case, you realize the way thigns worked out, they couldnt have been prevented. Unavoidable, unpredictable, and no precautions could have changed it.
Like blaming a drunk driver for the death after an accident, we could blame the driver's irresponsibility, we could blame the failure for the victim to brake or have their seatbelts on or what have you, we could blame the bartender... the friends for not taking the keys, the list goes on. Resultant however, is that the victim is dead, nothing will change that... the accident has happened.
So why blame? So someone can feel better about the loss? To make someone's life miserable? Blame is a horrible thing... innocent until proven guilty. With anything as simple as who spilt the juice, to an impaired driving death. If you are at fault... then take your punishment... if you pulled the short straw and something unpredicatble happened. Leave it to fate... don't find excuses and outs to what went wrong... because that makes life that much more complicated.
The one thing I ask is, blame me no more. For what I've done, for what may happen. It's true we can forgive, sometimes unlikely for us to forget. And of course as much as we'd like to believe that our sins are forgiven and etc. We must take what we are given and understand consequences for our actions. Every action is met with an equal reaction. I'm prepared to take mine, but not yours.
Blame someone, something... some unforeseen cirumstance, thats human nature. Why not just blame fate, or misfortune? Blame yourself, and prevent the next occurance. Why deter blame, make yourself feel better by making someone feel worse, or simply placing the error elsewhere? Does that make you feel like the bigger person? The better person?
Next time something goes wrong, think about what happened. How it happened, and how it could have been prevented. Often case, you realize the way thigns worked out, they couldnt have been prevented. Unavoidable, unpredictable, and no precautions could have changed it.
Like blaming a drunk driver for the death after an accident, we could blame the driver's irresponsibility, we could blame the failure for the victim to brake or have their seatbelts on or what have you, we could blame the bartender... the friends for not taking the keys, the list goes on. Resultant however, is that the victim is dead, nothing will change that... the accident has happened.
So why blame? So someone can feel better about the loss? To make someone's life miserable? Blame is a horrible thing... innocent until proven guilty. With anything as simple as who spilt the juice, to an impaired driving death. If you are at fault... then take your punishment... if you pulled the short straw and something unpredicatble happened. Leave it to fate... don't find excuses and outs to what went wrong... because that makes life that much more complicated.
The one thing I ask is, blame me no more. For what I've done, for what may happen. It's true we can forgive, sometimes unlikely for us to forget. And of course as much as we'd like to believe that our sins are forgiven and etc. We must take what we are given and understand consequences for our actions. Every action is met with an equal reaction. I'm prepared to take mine, but not yours.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Age.
What changes between 8 and 28? I mean really what changes?
I tell 8 year olds things like "Share", or "Be responsible", even things like "Be nice" and often case they listen. But what happens as we get older. As we learn to stray from that. Become greedy, inconsiderate and no longer aim to please. We simply aim for personal pleasure. Even a child, understands the most basic rules of being a human. But, these get neglected as we grow old. And parents wonder; how does my child turn out like that? Little do they realize; they're not often the best example.
When we wonder what's happening to our youth, we need to look at ourselves, and see what values we're really promoting. And think about whether or not we practice what we preach.
What really changes? Is it honestly human nature for us to be selfish, inconsiderate and absolutely rude? As we grow up, I think we're deteriorating. Why that is... is up to you yourself to figure out, and ensure you're making for a better next generation.
I tell 8 year olds things like "Share", or "Be responsible", even things like "Be nice" and often case they listen. But what happens as we get older. As we learn to stray from that. Become greedy, inconsiderate and no longer aim to please. We simply aim for personal pleasure. Even a child, understands the most basic rules of being a human. But, these get neglected as we grow old. And parents wonder; how does my child turn out like that? Little do they realize; they're not often the best example.
When we wonder what's happening to our youth, we need to look at ourselves, and see what values we're really promoting. And think about whether or not we practice what we preach.
What really changes? Is it honestly human nature for us to be selfish, inconsiderate and absolutely rude? As we grow up, I think we're deteriorating. Why that is... is up to you yourself to figure out, and ensure you're making for a better next generation.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
[IN]dividualism
Individualism. At what point do we say individualism is conforming? Developing groups, cliques with similar fashion sense, humor and possibly ideals. At what point do we say that its no longer original but simply a trend?
Do something original and recognize the individualism around you. Don't look and see whats different, look to see whats changed. What makes you who you are, and what makes every person around you who they are. They are a son, a daughter, a brother, sister, mother, father, someone's loved one. In every vehicle, theres someone in there with someone to see, somewhere to be. Open our eyes to humanity. Selfishness is the last thing we need. Selflessness is a feature found in the most humane gods. Selfishness, found in mortals and demi-gods.
Our conformist trends make what's IN individualistic, when really what's IN is measured by our purchasing power, our consumer market, our structured society. Break free of that once in a while and be truly different. Be a true individual and bring back the common threads of humanity. Show what it means to care about more than brand names. Show what it means to love more than diamonds. Show what it means to share more than your french fries. Show respect for your fellow man. Show responsibility for our actions. Show me how you venture from the beaten path of being a horrible "individual". Show me what it truly means to be human, what it means to have a heart, a soul and the ability to be humane. What differentiates us from the animals? Other than fashion sense.
Do something original and recognize the individualism around you. Don't look and see whats different, look to see whats changed. What makes you who you are, and what makes every person around you who they are. They are a son, a daughter, a brother, sister, mother, father, someone's loved one. In every vehicle, theres someone in there with someone to see, somewhere to be. Open our eyes to humanity. Selfishness is the last thing we need. Selflessness is a feature found in the most humane gods. Selfishness, found in mortals and demi-gods.
Our conformist trends make what's IN individualistic, when really what's IN is measured by our purchasing power, our consumer market, our structured society. Break free of that once in a while and be truly different. Be a true individual and bring back the common threads of humanity. Show what it means to care about more than brand names. Show what it means to love more than diamonds. Show what it means to share more than your french fries. Show respect for your fellow man. Show responsibility for our actions. Show me how you venture from the beaten path of being a horrible "individual". Show me what it truly means to be human, what it means to have a heart, a soul and the ability to be humane. What differentiates us from the animals? Other than fashion sense.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Torn -
Torn into pieces, caught inbetween, often irrepairable. One of the worst feelings. Follow your heart, follow your mind... follow your dreams. But really... when they conflict where do you go?
Like the line "Theres the one you love, and the one you marry, lets just hope its the same person". How would it feel living your life, having regret it every day... and wishing you would have picked the alternative. What is the solution?
What decides for you? Who decides for you? In the end, its you. Its not right, or wrong, its right now. Live for the now and first and then the then; but ensure your now leads to a then. Don't pick the right now that makes you miserable then... just because its a right now doesnt mean it has to be dumb. The worst thing in life is regret. When torn think of the long run... but think of what it means to be torn.
To separate forcefully; wrench
To divide or disrupt: was torn between opposing choices
Do you feel your heart wrench, does your sleep get disrupted... your mind divided...?
It could mean right now, or it could mean right. Try to make things right, because when its left behind... you may never make it back. Justify it at the moment and keep justifying it, when you find your justification is convincing yourself, its not worth it... because a part of you knows is wrong. Weigh out the positives, weigh out the consequences... but when done, its done.
As Donnie Brasco puts it "When they send for you, you go in alive, you come out dead, and it's your best friend that does it." so make the right choices, for the right reasons and the right people, and know what makes things worth it... because sometimes, expectations just lead up to dissapointments. On the same note, dont get used to disspointing or dissapointment. It just sets up for a world of hurt. Standards are just benchmarks, setting them lower makes them easier to get surpassed... but as well dont set your expectations too low... or anything will do. Strive for excellence.
Like the line "Theres the one you love, and the one you marry, lets just hope its the same person". How would it feel living your life, having regret it every day... and wishing you would have picked the alternative. What is the solution?
What decides for you? Who decides for you? In the end, its you. Its not right, or wrong, its right now. Live for the now and first and then the then; but ensure your now leads to a then. Don't pick the right now that makes you miserable then... just because its a right now doesnt mean it has to be dumb. The worst thing in life is regret. When torn think of the long run... but think of what it means to be torn.
To separate forcefully; wrench
To divide or disrupt: was torn between opposing choices
Do you feel your heart wrench, does your sleep get disrupted... your mind divided...?
It could mean right now, or it could mean right. Try to make things right, because when its left behind... you may never make it back. Justify it at the moment and keep justifying it, when you find your justification is convincing yourself, its not worth it... because a part of you knows is wrong. Weigh out the positives, weigh out the consequences... but when done, its done.
As Donnie Brasco puts it "When they send for you, you go in alive, you come out dead, and it's your best friend that does it." so make the right choices, for the right reasons and the right people, and know what makes things worth it... because sometimes, expectations just lead up to dissapointments. On the same note, dont get used to disspointing or dissapointment. It just sets up for a world of hurt. Standards are just benchmarks, setting them lower makes them easier to get surpassed... but as well dont set your expectations too low... or anything will do. Strive for excellence.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Gift.
Have you ever woken up realizing it's a gift to do so? That the present is one not to be taken for granted. That a day is 24 hours to cherish? Whoever came up with "tomorrow" was an idiot, because its just another thing to think about to waste today.
Tomorrow is defined as
to·mor·row ( P ) Pronunciation Key (t-môr, -mr)
n.
The day following today.
The future.
How idiotic. You sleep today, and when you wake up its tomorrow, but its actually today... so in essence, tomorrow never comes, you can never actually see it... so its just a waste of time. If we never expected a tomorrow, or put off till tomorrow... everything would be so much more wonderful.
Tomorrow is simply an excuse to neglect the present, don't do that and expect a tomorrow. This world doesn't owe us an existance, just like it doesn't owe us a future or a tomorrow. It would be in our best interest to build a better tomorrow, but waiting endlessly, for things that will never come, for things to "get better" is foolish. Do something with today, to change the next "today", because tomorrow doesn't exist.
Tomorrow is defined as
to·mor·row ( P ) Pronunciation Key (t-môr, -mr)
n.
The day following today.
The future.
How idiotic. You sleep today, and when you wake up its tomorrow, but its actually today... so in essence, tomorrow never comes, you can never actually see it... so its just a waste of time. If we never expected a tomorrow, or put off till tomorrow... everything would be so much more wonderful.
Tomorrow is simply an excuse to neglect the present, don't do that and expect a tomorrow. This world doesn't owe us an existance, just like it doesn't owe us a future or a tomorrow. It would be in our best interest to build a better tomorrow, but waiting endlessly, for things that will never come, for things to "get better" is foolish. Do something with today, to change the next "today", because tomorrow doesn't exist.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Upbringing...
It's been a long time since the last blog, and it's been a long summer. A lot has changed, a lot has stayed the same. A million lessons have been learned, and hopefully at least a thousand stay with me for a lifetime. Memories made, and memories some I wish to be forgotten, but all valuable. Today however, I'd like to touch on everything that makes us who we are today... just upbringing...
In Asia I heard a phrase. Ponder it. "You can feed a body... raise the body... but you can't feed or raise a soul. You can't feed or raise a mind" As much as we like to try as adults to influence to "bring up" youth, we can attempt to... but in the end, the mind is personally molded. Therefore everyone is their own person... let individuality shine. Let who they are be who they are... and don't bother with changing it, change comes from within. Don't let it get to you. Sometimes, it doesn't matter what guidance was or was not present. It's the person. And their personality.
No matter how hard you try to implement your ideologies on another, they are their own soul... their own mind... Feed their body... you can change them physically... but otherwise. You're out of luck. Individuality thats what sets us apart.
Maybe tomorrow I'll open the doors to tomorrow. "Today is a gift, thats why it's called the present"
In Asia I heard a phrase. Ponder it. "You can feed a body... raise the body... but you can't feed or raise a soul. You can't feed or raise a mind" As much as we like to try as adults to influence to "bring up" youth, we can attempt to... but in the end, the mind is personally molded. Therefore everyone is their own person... let individuality shine. Let who they are be who they are... and don't bother with changing it, change comes from within. Don't let it get to you. Sometimes, it doesn't matter what guidance was or was not present. It's the person. And their personality.
No matter how hard you try to implement your ideologies on another, they are their own soul... their own mind... Feed their body... you can change them physically... but otherwise. You're out of luck. Individuality thats what sets us apart.
Maybe tomorrow I'll open the doors to tomorrow. "Today is a gift, thats why it's called the present"
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
4 Remaining.
With every day, comes a new stress, with every breathe comes closer to death. And all the mistakes you've made in the past just become repeats when you're falling apart. Never again would I make those same mistakes. Never again would I want to relive this. Never again.
Choices I've made, despicable. Acquiantances I've made, disposable. Friends I've made, I'll miss you dearly. With every breath taken, I feal its a breath wasted. Time spent without you, is just time spent. And without you all I've have never made it this far. Simply amazing.
All material things made, are material things lost. Those things are left behind... people however, I never want to leave. All and all, its petty. All the things I've thought about... trivial. What's important we often take for granted. And its those things, we'll miss the most.
Some things will just never change... but some things I guess I'll never know. With life, nothing can be expected. And those who fail, were looking for handouts. Tough breaks come when you work the hardest, and yet you fail. Just hope that the time you fail, you have the will to get back up. Whether or not I'll get back up... questionable.
If you've ever been speechlessly frustrated, you know how it feels. If you've ever been backed into a corner backwards and blind in the dark... you understand how lost I am. Please let me be found. And please let me find the light within; because any longer... and I will never see again. I feel like... just breaking down... and staying here forever.
All and all, its like... being so hurt; but not being able to find the wound. Knowing you've wronged, but cant find a right. Worked so hard, only to be shot down. Being so lost, and there seems to be no way. Surrounded by a million people, yet no one I know. Having so much, yet nothing at all... Do you ever feel that way? No more... please...
I feel like dissapearing, just like my world is. I just want... to turn away. Would you miss me?
Song of the day:
Ja Rule - Never Again
I'm tired of feelin the pain but ain't fightin the feelin
Choices I've made, despicable. Acquiantances I've made, disposable. Friends I've made, I'll miss you dearly. With every breath taken, I feal its a breath wasted. Time spent without you, is just time spent. And without you all I've have never made it this far. Simply amazing.
All material things made, are material things lost. Those things are left behind... people however, I never want to leave. All and all, its petty. All the things I've thought about... trivial. What's important we often take for granted. And its those things, we'll miss the most.
Some things will just never change... but some things I guess I'll never know. With life, nothing can be expected. And those who fail, were looking for handouts. Tough breaks come when you work the hardest, and yet you fail. Just hope that the time you fail, you have the will to get back up. Whether or not I'll get back up... questionable.
If you've ever been speechlessly frustrated, you know how it feels. If you've ever been backed into a corner backwards and blind in the dark... you understand how lost I am. Please let me be found. And please let me find the light within; because any longer... and I will never see again. I feel like... just breaking down... and staying here forever.
All and all, its like... being so hurt; but not being able to find the wound. Knowing you've wronged, but cant find a right. Worked so hard, only to be shot down. Being so lost, and there seems to be no way. Surrounded by a million people, yet no one I know. Having so much, yet nothing at all... Do you ever feel that way? No more... please...
I feel like dissapearing, just like my world is. I just want... to turn away. Would you miss me?
Song of the day:
Ja Rule - Never Again
I'm tired of feelin the pain but ain't fightin the feelin
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
5 Remaning.
What's inevitable now is falling apart, frustration and fear. To live in fear, I would rather not live... and to fall apart... I wish I could put myself back together. When all this comes to late, its like developing a hundred more regrets. Where every sixty seconds I'm thinking about my death, its a minute less I'm living, and a minute I'm sad is a piece of an hour I could have been happy.
Live like you're going to die tomorrow. I'm sorry that that's a reality some of us may see. But whats stopping some of us... what keeps us living, is the faith. The drive. The need to live untill tomorrow. The want to be that something. The want to be with that someone. The seconds, minutes, hours, days.. years you want to spend with them. Don't take advantage, don't take for granted, and definitely take all the time you have.
Fate works in mysterious ways, but trust fate, for fate and yourself is all you can trust, and for certain, you can't control what fate is going to slap you with. Thank fate for you. And thank you for what you've given me. Faith. Every moment is treasured. Simply amazing. These are going to be 5 long days.
Song of the day:
Aerosmith - I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing.
Live like you're going to die tomorrow. I'm sorry that that's a reality some of us may see. But whats stopping some of us... what keeps us living, is the faith. The drive. The need to live untill tomorrow. The want to be that something. The want to be with that someone. The seconds, minutes, hours, days.. years you want to spend with them. Don't take advantage, don't take for granted, and definitely take all the time you have.
Fate works in mysterious ways, but trust fate, for fate and yourself is all you can trust, and for certain, you can't control what fate is going to slap you with. Thank fate for you. And thank you for what you've given me. Faith. Every moment is treasured. Simply amazing. These are going to be 5 long days.
Song of the day:
Aerosmith - I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
10 Remaining.
Finals are creeping up and sweeping past me, and when these examinations finish, I'll go through the biggest test of my life, both emotionally and metally, this challenge may be the biggest final for me. Finally closure. Finally results which influence my life. It's not just a grade, its a future.
I paid for tickets 80 days ago... who knows what will come of it. Hopefully it's paying for a change. It's time for a change. Time for a new development. 10 reasons for each day why I need to go away...
Should I leave, and things fall apart, I'll value most what I've left behind. Sometimes it takes a little seperation to understand appreciation. Should I leave, maybe it opens doors and closes the gates I never wish to open, behind the doors, I find the path to my future, behind the gates, I leave behind what can no longer get me. Should I leave, maybe I'll change, I'll mature, I'll fufill myself. Should I leave, maybe I'll realize, what I'm meant to be. Should I leave, maybe I'll think, maybe I'll realize our position in time. Should I leave, I'll finally be able to sleep at night. Should I leave, I'll finally get a break. Should I leave, maybe I'll find my true friends. Should I leave, maybe... you'll realize how it feels to be left behind. Should I leave... I may never come back.
And finally, something may be changing... but suddenly I'm leaving it behind, with hope its something I'll come back to, someone I'll come back to. Someone who this time will be here for me... and someone who will make the change with me. Because this time, I realized why I'll never forget you. Because this time I realized, what you've always wanted.
Six years ago, we had a good year. Six years ago, five of us made a decision. Six years ago, you were there for me. Six years ago, I was there for them. And finally, at the end of that year I've realized all that happened. Six years ago, I shot for standards which were lower than I assumed, because those standards stooped lower than I assumed. Six years ago, everything changed. Six years ago, I was forced to grow up.
Five years ago, you took something that mattered. Five years ago, they took me. Five years ago, we parted once. Five years ago we drifted apart. Five years ago, the cycle began. Five years ago I got hurt. Five years ago, I felt no fear. Five years ago, I felt nothing. Five years ago, nothing else mattered. Five years ago, childhood was stolen from me.
Four years ago, we fell apart. Four years ago, numbers increased. Four years ago, things got rough. Four years ago, I led them. Four years ago, no one was with me. Four years ago, I found no support. Four years ago, you fell apart. Four years ago, I followed suit. Four years ago, they betrayed me. Four years ago, you hurt me most. Four years ago, things fell apart. Four years ago, I made a decision. Four years ago, I began a legacy. Four years ago, you left me. Four years ago, I started remembering. Four years ago... everyone hurt me.
Three years ago, I might have looked forward. Three years ago, things made me angry. Three years ago, you made me angry. Three years ago, nothing had changed me. Three years ago, I made a change. Three years ago, I tried to develop. Three years ago, I failed miserably. Three years ago, I met acceptance. Three years ago, it all came back. Three years ago, I tried to run. Three years ago, it caught up. Three years ago, mistakes were plentiful. Three years ago, I seeked refuge.
Two years ago, they came back. Two years ago, I realized they'd never left. Two years ago, I thought I knew it all. Two years ago, you came back into my life. Two years ago, I wished you'd never left. Two years ago, I was angry you came back. Two years ago, I wish I'd have left. Two years ago, I didn't care. Two years ago, I got betrayed. Two years ago, I fell apart. Two years ago, I couldn't see ahead. Two years ago, you dissapeared.
One year ago, things were changing. One year ago, I wanted change. One year ago, they began to realize. One year ago, I finally made progress. One year ago, I started seeing the future. One year ago, I found faith. One year ago, I started getting lost. One year ago, I met confusion. One year ago... I felt empty.
Through this year, things came back. Things left. People changed. Opinions changed and so did my vision. This year, I made decisions. This year, I realized. This year I believed. This year, faith didn't fail me. This year, things got better. This year things are coming together. This year, I build the future.
Today, things get complicated as I prepare for my change. Today, things are tough enough without reminders. Today, I remember. Today, I feel fear. Today, I want tomorrow. Today, I realize that I won't forget. Today, I realize why things have occured. Today, I realize why we never changed. Today, I realize why I want change. Today, I realized what I really want. Today, I hope. Today, I seek to find what I've searched for. Today... I want you to realize.
What I remember? Where I went wrong. What I regret? Nothing. Why? Experience was essential.
I want to come back. I want to fufill. I want to meet the future. I want life. I want normality. I want what I can never have. I want stability. I want trust. I want most of all, support. I want... it to slip away. I want revenge. I want to forget. I want to rest in peace.
Song of the day:
Selena - Dreaming of You
Late at night when all the world is sleeping. I dream of amnesty.
I paid for tickets 80 days ago... who knows what will come of it. Hopefully it's paying for a change. It's time for a change. Time for a new development. 10 reasons for each day why I need to go away...
Should I leave, and things fall apart, I'll value most what I've left behind. Sometimes it takes a little seperation to understand appreciation. Should I leave, maybe it opens doors and closes the gates I never wish to open, behind the doors, I find the path to my future, behind the gates, I leave behind what can no longer get me. Should I leave, maybe I'll change, I'll mature, I'll fufill myself. Should I leave, maybe I'll realize, what I'm meant to be. Should I leave, maybe I'll think, maybe I'll realize our position in time. Should I leave, I'll finally be able to sleep at night. Should I leave, I'll finally get a break. Should I leave, maybe I'll find my true friends. Should I leave, maybe... you'll realize how it feels to be left behind. Should I leave... I may never come back.
And finally, something may be changing... but suddenly I'm leaving it behind, with hope its something I'll come back to, someone I'll come back to. Someone who this time will be here for me... and someone who will make the change with me. Because this time, I realized why I'll never forget you. Because this time I realized, what you've always wanted.
Six years ago, we had a good year. Six years ago, five of us made a decision. Six years ago, you were there for me. Six years ago, I was there for them. And finally, at the end of that year I've realized all that happened. Six years ago, I shot for standards which were lower than I assumed, because those standards stooped lower than I assumed. Six years ago, everything changed. Six years ago, I was forced to grow up.
Five years ago, you took something that mattered. Five years ago, they took me. Five years ago, we parted once. Five years ago we drifted apart. Five years ago, the cycle began. Five years ago I got hurt. Five years ago, I felt no fear. Five years ago, I felt nothing. Five years ago, nothing else mattered. Five years ago, childhood was stolen from me.
Four years ago, we fell apart. Four years ago, numbers increased. Four years ago, things got rough. Four years ago, I led them. Four years ago, no one was with me. Four years ago, I found no support. Four years ago, you fell apart. Four years ago, I followed suit. Four years ago, they betrayed me. Four years ago, you hurt me most. Four years ago, things fell apart. Four years ago, I made a decision. Four years ago, I began a legacy. Four years ago, you left me. Four years ago, I started remembering. Four years ago... everyone hurt me.
Three years ago, I might have looked forward. Three years ago, things made me angry. Three years ago, you made me angry. Three years ago, nothing had changed me. Three years ago, I made a change. Three years ago, I tried to develop. Three years ago, I failed miserably. Three years ago, I met acceptance. Three years ago, it all came back. Three years ago, I tried to run. Three years ago, it caught up. Three years ago, mistakes were plentiful. Three years ago, I seeked refuge.
Two years ago, they came back. Two years ago, I realized they'd never left. Two years ago, I thought I knew it all. Two years ago, you came back into my life. Two years ago, I wished you'd never left. Two years ago, I was angry you came back. Two years ago, I wish I'd have left. Two years ago, I didn't care. Two years ago, I got betrayed. Two years ago, I fell apart. Two years ago, I couldn't see ahead. Two years ago, you dissapeared.
One year ago, things were changing. One year ago, I wanted change. One year ago, they began to realize. One year ago, I finally made progress. One year ago, I started seeing the future. One year ago, I found faith. One year ago, I started getting lost. One year ago, I met confusion. One year ago... I felt empty.
Through this year, things came back. Things left. People changed. Opinions changed and so did my vision. This year, I made decisions. This year, I realized. This year I believed. This year, faith didn't fail me. This year, things got better. This year things are coming together. This year, I build the future.
Today, things get complicated as I prepare for my change. Today, things are tough enough without reminders. Today, I remember. Today, I feel fear. Today, I want tomorrow. Today, I realize that I won't forget. Today, I realize why things have occured. Today, I realize why we never changed. Today, I realize why I want change. Today, I realized what I really want. Today, I hope. Today, I seek to find what I've searched for. Today... I want you to realize.
What I remember? Where I went wrong. What I regret? Nothing. Why? Experience was essential.
I want to come back. I want to fufill. I want to meet the future. I want life. I want normality. I want what I can never have. I want stability. I want trust. I want most of all, support. I want... it to slip away. I want revenge. I want to forget. I want to rest in peace.
Song of the day:
Selena - Dreaming of You
Late at night when all the world is sleeping. I dream of amnesty.
Monday, April 17, 2006
13 Remaining.
Few hours since my last blog, I've reached another realization. Courage is found in many places, but we need to realize, that courage starts in ourselves.
When no one believes in you, believe in yourself. When you feel like no one can help you help yourself. As much as we like to depend on others... sometimes the only one we can count on is ourselves. Not to say that certain individuals aren't there for you, just sometimes only you can save yourself. Even heaven can't save those who are unwilling to be saved. You make yourself who you are. It doesn't matter how much people put you down, or what society defines as beautiful, smart or perfect. You in yourself are special in your own ways, and the only person you need to please is yourself. If you find you aren't who you want to be, something is wrong, and something needs to change. Courage starts within.
It starts with one thing, just one comment, or one vision, and it grows. It doesn't need to be much... just a little motivation to change, then that motivation builds and gains momentum, then it can't be stopped. The lion's roar is a sound, but backed by the teeth. We're all lions, its whether or not we roar. Do people fear us? We all have the potential, we all have the strength but we on our own need to practice, need to perfect our roar. Maybe then we can scare off criticism. Maybe then we can see ourselves as strong. Maybe then we are the best we can be.
Find the courage to be what we want to be. Sooner or later you'll learn to let go of the bumps in the road and the criticism you've recieved. The things that are important are within us. Sometimes it takes courage to drop certain things, to erase the past, to build the future. But a wall you've broken down to rebuild is often stronger when completed. If what you've previously been living has been a lie, breaking this down can only be a positive.
Seek not the courage in others, courage is within, and from others it will find you. Kind words are nice but word's arent hands to hold onto, take the hands when offered because they aren't afraid you'll pull them down, but realize as well, these are the hands of support, you don't need them; they're just nice to have around. You're strong. We all carry the same brain, the same mental capacity and therefore the same strength. The sun shines regardless, our life is meant to impact others, do not be shaken or your influence is lost in the vibrations of life. Make the biggest impact you can, hit and stop being hit. Tuck emotion under the rug and be all you can be and don't look back, I promise, we won't stir up the past, as it is forgotten.
Song of the day:
Audioslave - Doesn't Remind Me
Bend and shape me I love the way you are
When no one believes in you, believe in yourself. When you feel like no one can help you help yourself. As much as we like to depend on others... sometimes the only one we can count on is ourselves. Not to say that certain individuals aren't there for you, just sometimes only you can save yourself. Even heaven can't save those who are unwilling to be saved. You make yourself who you are. It doesn't matter how much people put you down, or what society defines as beautiful, smart or perfect. You in yourself are special in your own ways, and the only person you need to please is yourself. If you find you aren't who you want to be, something is wrong, and something needs to change. Courage starts within.
It starts with one thing, just one comment, or one vision, and it grows. It doesn't need to be much... just a little motivation to change, then that motivation builds and gains momentum, then it can't be stopped. The lion's roar is a sound, but backed by the teeth. We're all lions, its whether or not we roar. Do people fear us? We all have the potential, we all have the strength but we on our own need to practice, need to perfect our roar. Maybe then we can scare off criticism. Maybe then we can see ourselves as strong. Maybe then we are the best we can be.
Find the courage to be what we want to be. Sooner or later you'll learn to let go of the bumps in the road and the criticism you've recieved. The things that are important are within us. Sometimes it takes courage to drop certain things, to erase the past, to build the future. But a wall you've broken down to rebuild is often stronger when completed. If what you've previously been living has been a lie, breaking this down can only be a positive.
Seek not the courage in others, courage is within, and from others it will find you. Kind words are nice but word's arent hands to hold onto, take the hands when offered because they aren't afraid you'll pull them down, but realize as well, these are the hands of support, you don't need them; they're just nice to have around. You're strong. We all carry the same brain, the same mental capacity and therefore the same strength. The sun shines regardless, our life is meant to impact others, do not be shaken or your influence is lost in the vibrations of life. Make the biggest impact you can, hit and stop being hit. Tuck emotion under the rug and be all you can be and don't look back, I promise, we won't stir up the past, as it is forgotten.
Song of the day:
Audioslave - Doesn't Remind Me
Bend and shape me I love the way you are
Sunday, April 16, 2006
14 Remaining.
It's two weeks today, the end of something tough, the end of something great, the beginning of something phenomenal. In life and death, our accomplishments in life measure our value. Not the clothes we wear, the car we drive... not the money we have or the money we don't have. Material is not what we take with us, what matters is the legacy we leave behind. Should I die tomorrow, mourn me not. Measure my life by the accomplishments I've done and remember how I've touched you. Remember what I've taught you.
Money is something man made, we were born without it. We were born innocent and naked. Unfortunately, we die corrupt and in clothes our money bought. In some causes, in clothes corrupt society purchased for us. Don't clothe yourselves in dirty laundry society attempts to wrap you in. Fight it and be your own person. Do something for the world. Don't wait to be spoon fed an ideology, and most definitely don't spoon feed someone else the load of crap you've been swallowing. Attempt to wash away the dirt that's accumulated on yourself daily. Cleanse yourself of corruption.
God washed the feet of his diciples washing away the dirt collected on the path of life. Just as God washed those feet, we need to wash our own. Cleanse ourselves. Material is insignificant, its what can't be purchased that has value. It's the cleaning process that we can pride ourselves in when we leave this world clean, unashamed and pure as we got here.
Live life as yourself, but live life selflessly. Smile's are free, but worth so much. Sometimes its these things that are priceless. To children who laugh over 300 times a day, we see such an unshatterable glow of happiness and an inevitable recovery from sadness which belong to them. As adults, we laugh an average of 30 times a day, often case less. And that is the reason for sadness, depression and a seriousness we know all too well. Give someone a smile, a laugh, and something to remember, its worth it.
Don't suppose I'll ever know what it means to be a man, and its something I can't change but I'll live around it and try my best to be the best man I can. Do the best I can for the world. Be remembered for what I've done to improve the quality of living around me. Make a change, and be the best you can be. Life can't be measured by the wrapping tape you pull off your brand new Möbler sofa, but it can be measured by all the red tape you broke in life. Names engraved in history along with the dead and gone upperclass society such as... sorry riches don't tend to be remembered.
Who've been remembered? Marx, Lenin, Che, revolutionaries. Revolutionize. Be remembered.
Song of the day:
Goo Goo Dolls - Slide
And I'll do anything you ever dreamed to be complete
Money is something man made, we were born without it. We were born innocent and naked. Unfortunately, we die corrupt and in clothes our money bought. In some causes, in clothes corrupt society purchased for us. Don't clothe yourselves in dirty laundry society attempts to wrap you in. Fight it and be your own person. Do something for the world. Don't wait to be spoon fed an ideology, and most definitely don't spoon feed someone else the load of crap you've been swallowing. Attempt to wash away the dirt that's accumulated on yourself daily. Cleanse yourself of corruption.
God washed the feet of his diciples washing away the dirt collected on the path of life. Just as God washed those feet, we need to wash our own. Cleanse ourselves. Material is insignificant, its what can't be purchased that has value. It's the cleaning process that we can pride ourselves in when we leave this world clean, unashamed and pure as we got here.
Live life as yourself, but live life selflessly. Smile's are free, but worth so much. Sometimes its these things that are priceless. To children who laugh over 300 times a day, we see such an unshatterable glow of happiness and an inevitable recovery from sadness which belong to them. As adults, we laugh an average of 30 times a day, often case less. And that is the reason for sadness, depression and a seriousness we know all too well. Give someone a smile, a laugh, and something to remember, its worth it.
Don't suppose I'll ever know what it means to be a man, and its something I can't change but I'll live around it and try my best to be the best man I can. Do the best I can for the world. Be remembered for what I've done to improve the quality of living around me. Make a change, and be the best you can be. Life can't be measured by the wrapping tape you pull off your brand new Möbler sofa, but it can be measured by all the red tape you broke in life. Names engraved in history along with the dead and gone upperclass society such as... sorry riches don't tend to be remembered.
Who've been remembered? Marx, Lenin, Che, revolutionaries. Revolutionize. Be remembered.
Song of the day:
Goo Goo Dolls - Slide
And I'll do anything you ever dreamed to be complete
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
19 Remaining.
A lot has happened in the last couple weeks, and I've been lost in all I've crashed into. A lot has changed in my world, but reality is, tomorrow should be be so fortunate we'll all wake up to the same sky, and sleep to the same stars. There are times even the stars refuse to shine for me... and these were those times.
As the departure comes closer, this trip, soul seeking journey... or this adventure seems like one that worries me in the back of my mind. I hope this isn't good bye to any of you, just good bye to a part of me. Let me return with a soul.
As we learn to crawl, then walk we gradually learn to support ourselves and we learn to let go. Then when we're old... we find support again. Refuse to find support, I refuse to hold on... and I strive to let go. Reject failure. Even the best fall down some times, its how we get up, how we fight to get up, our drive to achieve, and then finally, its our push to go on living. Theres no difference how weak you are, or where you are in the world, once you win this struggle, the stars are that much more satisfying when you know they shine for you.
Night and day are the same around the world, for the rich, for the poor, for the living. Let you always be priviledged to see the night sky. To see the stars shine bright, and the sun rise strong. Remember as humans we have no right to judge and the stars shine for all of us. Cherish the fact that no matter where we are, theres always something above us. The sky that blankets us, and the heavens that surpass us. Though our individual peace of sky may occasionally be cloudy, it will blow over and the stars will be visible. They're always there... just not always in view.
Play connect the dots with the stars until the sun rise, and chase the sun into the moon and the clouds past the horizon. Draw connections to other people, make the journey and point out nature's beauty. Live not in ignorance, but live with attention, see what's beyond and reach for what's distant. Sometimes the best things are what you work for, and the greatest feeling is getting them. You have truly learned when you have experienced, so experience it. Carry your self, your friends are companions on this journey, be not a burden but take support when necessary and give in when you're strongest. Sometimes a walk alone leaves you lost, cold and helpless. Guiding lights can be found, they're usually in a place called hope; often located in other people. Even when all seems helpless, someone is there for you, recognize this.
Let fate decide not our lives. Let us follow our desires. Should fate have me die tomorrow, let me feel fufilled. Have not regrets. Have not desires. Have fufillment. Do not leave until tomorrow what you can delegate today, as tomorrow is often taken for granted. The best sunrises are those which you watched sunset and waited for sunrise to compare to. What you have worked and waited for, the most anticipated are the finest moments. What makes the differentiations from carbon to diamond is millions of years... and timless polishing. The time, patience and work is immesureable, much like the gleam a diamond shows as the light is captured within it. Live life to the fullest, as living it half full is missing out on half the glass. To live in fear, is to not live at all. To live in expectation, is to live in mediocrity. Live in anticipation of better things, and find them for yourselves. Being able to get them makes allows you to say you've deserved them.
Thank you for being there for me. The heavens shine for all of us and I hope they shine finer for you, thank you for enjoying it with me. Thanks for connecting the dots with me, because without you, the picture is lost.
Song of the day:
Howie Day - Collide
Out of the doubts that fill my mind, I somehow find you and I collide.
As the departure comes closer, this trip, soul seeking journey... or this adventure seems like one that worries me in the back of my mind. I hope this isn't good bye to any of you, just good bye to a part of me. Let me return with a soul.
As we learn to crawl, then walk we gradually learn to support ourselves and we learn to let go. Then when we're old... we find support again. Refuse to find support, I refuse to hold on... and I strive to let go. Reject failure. Even the best fall down some times, its how we get up, how we fight to get up, our drive to achieve, and then finally, its our push to go on living. Theres no difference how weak you are, or where you are in the world, once you win this struggle, the stars are that much more satisfying when you know they shine for you.
Night and day are the same around the world, for the rich, for the poor, for the living. Let you always be priviledged to see the night sky. To see the stars shine bright, and the sun rise strong. Remember as humans we have no right to judge and the stars shine for all of us. Cherish the fact that no matter where we are, theres always something above us. The sky that blankets us, and the heavens that surpass us. Though our individual peace of sky may occasionally be cloudy, it will blow over and the stars will be visible. They're always there... just not always in view.
Play connect the dots with the stars until the sun rise, and chase the sun into the moon and the clouds past the horizon. Draw connections to other people, make the journey and point out nature's beauty. Live not in ignorance, but live with attention, see what's beyond and reach for what's distant. Sometimes the best things are what you work for, and the greatest feeling is getting them. You have truly learned when you have experienced, so experience it. Carry your self, your friends are companions on this journey, be not a burden but take support when necessary and give in when you're strongest. Sometimes a walk alone leaves you lost, cold and helpless. Guiding lights can be found, they're usually in a place called hope; often located in other people. Even when all seems helpless, someone is there for you, recognize this.
Let fate decide not our lives. Let us follow our desires. Should fate have me die tomorrow, let me feel fufilled. Have not regrets. Have not desires. Have fufillment. Do not leave until tomorrow what you can delegate today, as tomorrow is often taken for granted. The best sunrises are those which you watched sunset and waited for sunrise to compare to. What you have worked and waited for, the most anticipated are the finest moments. What makes the differentiations from carbon to diamond is millions of years... and timless polishing. The time, patience and work is immesureable, much like the gleam a diamond shows as the light is captured within it. Live life to the fullest, as living it half full is missing out on half the glass. To live in fear, is to not live at all. To live in expectation, is to live in mediocrity. Live in anticipation of better things, and find them for yourselves. Being able to get them makes allows you to say you've deserved them.
Thank you for being there for me. The heavens shine for all of us and I hope they shine finer for you, thank you for enjoying it with me. Thanks for connecting the dots with me, because without you, the picture is lost.
Song of the day:
Howie Day - Collide
Out of the doubts that fill my mind, I somehow find you and I collide.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
31 Remaining.
Eventually. Eventually, everyone gets theirs. He'll get his, I'll get mine, and you'll get yours. We get what we deserve in the end even if it takes a mini miracle snd seemingly forever to get it. Those who've wronged you along way will get theirs, maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but life is filled with divine justice. Sometimes its not our judgement to pass on whether or not they've done wrong, and if they've wronged us, its their conscience, their karma. Don't stress and don't attempt to be God's messenger or implement martial law.
The cliché "what comes around goes around" is natural law. Sometimes things go wrong for us and we simply look for ones to blame. Let ourselves be at blame and let it be. The past is not changeable, if someone is at fault; their payment will be called in. Who are we to say that someone deserved certain treatment, and who are we to say we ourselves are perfect angels. Just not lest ye be judged.
It's important for us to look at ourselves in the mirror before we look out our windows into the world. Realize who we are and begin to judge ourselves, take ourselves and gauge our qualities before we gauge others. Realize that the world does not revolve around ourselves and that everyone has their own goals in life. Sometimes, people aren't just out to get you, thats paranoia. What it is, is that people are out for the best in their interests.
Rules are simply guidelines, they're broken all the time. Often in personal interests, the path is left behind. Whether or not it is justified in our opinion doesnt allow us to pass judgement. It is obvious in their mind, it was perfectly justified.
When we need to find blame, blame ourselves. We need to find understanding, realize that the world is not about us and judge not. Eventually if they deserve it, they get theirs. In any way; be it good or bad. If its destined for us to be a millionaire by working hard or winning the lottery, it will happen; if someone is destined to be punished due to their actions, divinely it will happen. Find trust, find faith, find enlightenment. Most of all find balance, security, stability and hope. Hopefully with all this, you will rationalize and find understanding.
Song of the day:
Pink - Eventually
Shame on you if you fooled me once; shame on me if you fooled me twice, is simply finding blame. Eventually they'll get theirs, bite the bullet and be realistic.
The cliché "what comes around goes around" is natural law. Sometimes things go wrong for us and we simply look for ones to blame. Let ourselves be at blame and let it be. The past is not changeable, if someone is at fault; their payment will be called in. Who are we to say that someone deserved certain treatment, and who are we to say we ourselves are perfect angels. Just not lest ye be judged.
It's important for us to look at ourselves in the mirror before we look out our windows into the world. Realize who we are and begin to judge ourselves, take ourselves and gauge our qualities before we gauge others. Realize that the world does not revolve around ourselves and that everyone has their own goals in life. Sometimes, people aren't just out to get you, thats paranoia. What it is, is that people are out for the best in their interests.
Rules are simply guidelines, they're broken all the time. Often in personal interests, the path is left behind. Whether or not it is justified in our opinion doesnt allow us to pass judgement. It is obvious in their mind, it was perfectly justified.
When we need to find blame, blame ourselves. We need to find understanding, realize that the world is not about us and judge not. Eventually if they deserve it, they get theirs. In any way; be it good or bad. If its destined for us to be a millionaire by working hard or winning the lottery, it will happen; if someone is destined to be punished due to their actions, divinely it will happen. Find trust, find faith, find enlightenment. Most of all find balance, security, stability and hope. Hopefully with all this, you will rationalize and find understanding.
Song of the day:
Pink - Eventually
Shame on you if you fooled me once; shame on me if you fooled me twice, is simply finding blame. Eventually they'll get theirs, bite the bullet and be realistic.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
35 Remaining.
Once again, I have failed to blog for a long period of time. Reasoning is... it has been a tough few weeks mentally. Experiencing unexpected betrayal hurts. Sometimes it's better when you see the knife going into your back, because at least you're prepared for it to hurt. Maybe next time, I'll sidestep my way through my daily life constantly on the lookout because 360 degrees around me, there seems to always be a threat. Because of this, the dreams have returned. Paranoia is more than for schizophrenics. Fear more than just fear itself.
I hate the trust I can't give, and I hate myself when my given trust is compromised. So you have forced me to compromise my trust.
Maybe its time for me to truly turn away; from people. Solitary, I only have me to blame. I only have me to worry about. I'm tired of drama, tired of playing these mind games, tired of this world. People need to realize something, what you use, you need to respect. I've been used, and passed on one too many times. I'm worn out and the human race needs to throw me away, because I'd much rather be resting, and wasting away because I've served my time.
The past has passed, the joy, the fun, all the seasons in the sun have gone as the years slip into my memory. And all memories are sealed as memories. Maybe its time to let go, and make new memories. The future awaits. I alone can build my future; because its clear that I can't rely on anyone else. I feel left behind, and I know there wont be a time where any of you will look back on me. Let it all die in the past, fade to black and we'll repaint what is to come. Hatred begets hatred, so no hatred is founded, only forgiveness and the forget of those events which have passed.
I'm taking this road on my own. The journey which follows is a hard one, but its one well traveled.
Song of the day
Westlife - Seasons in the Sun
There has been joy, fun and seasons in the sun for you and false ones for me. Its hard to die, but it must be done. Goodbye to you.
I hate the trust I can't give, and I hate myself when my given trust is compromised. So you have forced me to compromise my trust.
Maybe its time for me to truly turn away; from people. Solitary, I only have me to blame. I only have me to worry about. I'm tired of drama, tired of playing these mind games, tired of this world. People need to realize something, what you use, you need to respect. I've been used, and passed on one too many times. I'm worn out and the human race needs to throw me away, because I'd much rather be resting, and wasting away because I've served my time.
The past has passed, the joy, the fun, all the seasons in the sun have gone as the years slip into my memory. And all memories are sealed as memories. Maybe its time to let go, and make new memories. The future awaits. I alone can build my future; because its clear that I can't rely on anyone else. I feel left behind, and I know there wont be a time where any of you will look back on me. Let it all die in the past, fade to black and we'll repaint what is to come. Hatred begets hatred, so no hatred is founded, only forgiveness and the forget of those events which have passed.
I'm taking this road on my own. The journey which follows is a hard one, but its one well traveled.
Song of the day
Westlife - Seasons in the Sun
There has been joy, fun and seasons in the sun for you and false ones for me. Its hard to die, but it must be done. Goodbye to you.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
43 Remaining.
Haven't blogged in a long time, had papers and midterms and a lack of inspirational thought. Anyways, lots is welled up, entries to come. =)
Where does the road take you...? Where can you take yourself? How can someone help you get there. Never give up, never surrender. And always lend a helping hand when possible, always take one if its given. Don't take people for granted. On our daily travels we see hundreds; even thousands of others... everyone has their own life but to be humane, you need to involve yourself in them, they're people too.
Song of the day:
Aaliyah - Try Again (Romeo Must Die Soundtrack)
And if at first you don't succeed, then dust yourself off and try again
Where does the road take you...? Where can you take yourself? How can someone help you get there. Never give up, never surrender. And always lend a helping hand when possible, always take one if its given. Don't take people for granted. On our daily travels we see hundreds; even thousands of others... everyone has their own life but to be humane, you need to involve yourself in them, they're people too.
Song of the day:
Aaliyah - Try Again (Romeo Must Die Soundtrack)
And if at first you don't succeed, then dust yourself off and try again
Sunday, March 12, 2006
49 Remaining.
I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand. It's difficult to show everyone my self in fear of ridicule, in fear of judgement, in fear of losing something I've worked so hard to build. Respect and an image of strength and stability. When day in and out, you hope to provide motivation and happiness to those around you, its difficult to seek you're own motivation and happiness. And on those day's where you can't find you're own; its even harder to provide it to others.
Simply wake up, put on the mask, and give the world the best show you can as the world is our stage. Hopefully getting smiles, laughs and brightening days. To appease my anger or shield my sadness. By solving others problems I can hide my own. Drown my sorrows in your laughter rather then alcohol. Is it ok that I'm unhappy? To me yes. Why is it ok? Because I yearn to see you smile, yearn to see you happy; and am happy knowing you're ok.
If I see myself as weak, the pillar I've made myself, then it's easy to see how others fall apart. I'd rather I sacrifice myself in hopes that I can keep it together for someone else. And I know that everyone else is stronger then they appear, because often case, its natural for people to live for reaction. But honestly, if I fell apart, me thinking I'm strong... it makes sense that others would.
We Live to fit in. Where is my place in it all? Why do I hide my pain? So I can avoid the pity of others? But then how can I pity others, subject others to what I hate most? Where do I turn to for support? What can I show the world? All I want is for everyone around me to be happy, maybe then I can trick myself into being happy. Idealistic? Yes. Peace and fraternity is all I ask for, if only this were everyones thoughts. If only everyone played the "selfless" game. But the am I just being selfish for lying to myself, lying to the world in hopes of making it a "better place" in my eyes.
You be the judge. How would the world be if everyone were as geniune as their thoughts. Deepest ideologies expressed. Extremes to bee seen. I can imagine, no one would see eye to eye. Angry voices would flow from mouths to deaf ears, everyone looking out for their own best interests. For humanity sake, I hope everyone acts, and acts well. Everyone appeases one another and maybe we can pretend we're at peace.
Song of the day:
Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
You cant fight reality, or the moment of truth in your lies; as the truth is the truth. The only thing you can fight is yourself in how you should act or how you want to act.
Simply wake up, put on the mask, and give the world the best show you can as the world is our stage. Hopefully getting smiles, laughs and brightening days. To appease my anger or shield my sadness. By solving others problems I can hide my own. Drown my sorrows in your laughter rather then alcohol. Is it ok that I'm unhappy? To me yes. Why is it ok? Because I yearn to see you smile, yearn to see you happy; and am happy knowing you're ok.
If I see myself as weak, the pillar I've made myself, then it's easy to see how others fall apart. I'd rather I sacrifice myself in hopes that I can keep it together for someone else. And I know that everyone else is stronger then they appear, because often case, its natural for people to live for reaction. But honestly, if I fell apart, me thinking I'm strong... it makes sense that others would.
We Live to fit in. Where is my place in it all? Why do I hide my pain? So I can avoid the pity of others? But then how can I pity others, subject others to what I hate most? Where do I turn to for support? What can I show the world? All I want is for everyone around me to be happy, maybe then I can trick myself into being happy. Idealistic? Yes. Peace and fraternity is all I ask for, if only this were everyones thoughts. If only everyone played the "selfless" game. But the am I just being selfish for lying to myself, lying to the world in hopes of making it a "better place" in my eyes.
You be the judge. How would the world be if everyone were as geniune as their thoughts. Deepest ideologies expressed. Extremes to bee seen. I can imagine, no one would see eye to eye. Angry voices would flow from mouths to deaf ears, everyone looking out for their own best interests. For humanity sake, I hope everyone acts, and acts well. Everyone appeases one another and maybe we can pretend we're at peace.
Song of the day:
Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
You cant fight reality, or the moment of truth in your lies; as the truth is the truth. The only thing you can fight is yourself in how you should act or how you want to act.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
50 Remaining.
It's good to know. Through the years; we're still together. Our friendship reassures me. It's good to know theres someone I can lean on. Good to know that years from now, we'll still be together, and I can still lean on you. Together all of us are forming the wonderwall that will save us. Our personalities are the cement that hold us together, brick by brick. And it comforts me to know that forever the wall will be visible as its been made obvious it wont easily be taken down. You'll be the ones that save me and protect me.
Don't ever lose sight of the ones who've made you're walls. Its not many who I've come to lean on but its the strong who support me. The ones you know you can go any where with because they'll protect you. The ones who you know you can talk for hours with because the stories you'll never grow tired of hearing. The ones who's helped you make memories in the book that doesnt have an ending... and you're glad that together you keep adding pages. The ones you can say anything to; because they aren't afraid to hear it. The ones you know you'll never be afraid to talk to, to turn to, to run to. The ones which the only thing you fear about them, is that you may someday lose them. Don't ever lose sight. Thank your wonderwalls.
Forever I will be thankful for you all. Listen to me plan my future, listen to me dream of my home, hear me whisper my hopes, and carried on all your shoulders is everything I am and what I only wish to be. As much as I stand on my own feet, it's your wings which have held me thus far. Today especially I'm glad to have you with me. And tomorrow is what I'm happy to share with you. I wont forget what we've been through; and I can't imagine what great things we'll do together. Wherever this road takes us, I want to be going there with you.
Song of the day:
Oasis - Wonderwall
And all the roads we have to walk along are winding, and all the lights that lead us there are blinding; I wish to travel them with you.
Don't ever lose sight of the ones who've made you're walls. Its not many who I've come to lean on but its the strong who support me. The ones you know you can go any where with because they'll protect you. The ones who you know you can talk for hours with because the stories you'll never grow tired of hearing. The ones who's helped you make memories in the book that doesnt have an ending... and you're glad that together you keep adding pages. The ones you can say anything to; because they aren't afraid to hear it. The ones you know you'll never be afraid to talk to, to turn to, to run to. The ones which the only thing you fear about them, is that you may someday lose them. Don't ever lose sight. Thank your wonderwalls.
Forever I will be thankful for you all. Listen to me plan my future, listen to me dream of my home, hear me whisper my hopes, and carried on all your shoulders is everything I am and what I only wish to be. As much as I stand on my own feet, it's your wings which have held me thus far. Today especially I'm glad to have you with me. And tomorrow is what I'm happy to share with you. I wont forget what we've been through; and I can't imagine what great things we'll do together. Wherever this road takes us, I want to be going there with you.
Song of the day:
Oasis - Wonderwall
And all the roads we have to walk along are winding, and all the lights that lead us there are blinding; I wish to travel them with you.
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