I was mad that you were gone... all my friends are moving on. I'm sad that we're apart, and I wish things could just be how they used to be... whether you feel the same I'm not sure, but I'm sure at once time or another, you've had the feeling.
But what have I done to change it, what have you done to stop the drift. Yes, we're busy; but are we "busy". Is busy just another way of saying that it's your excuse not to deal with it? Is it your excuse to say its not your fault? Is it the reason why you're drifting, you need to answer for your self.
Why we're busy? The world around us, suddenly our hands are full, with work, school, family and new friends which are constantly in our view. But how can we compromise what has been with us all this time. Understandably, we only have two hands, therefore once we are carrying whats closest, we drop the past behind. Like the one who buys things before the old are wrecked... we seem to easily replace things. The problem is that people aren't materials, they have feet and can walk beside you as long as you occasionally lend a hand, lend an ear and make a little effort. We're not busy. It's just a charade.
Learn to juggle. Our hands are "full", but we can have things on the go, its not necessary to carry things hand in hand. Not every person needs you to hold their hand along the way, and at the same time, your social life doesnt need to be the focus you're babying. Nothing needs to be the egg on a spoon while you walk life. Learn to juggle, as much as you think everything is ever so fragile and can only carry so much as you leave things behind... someday you'll forget these things or they'll be gone never to be retrieved. Not everyone waits for you, and good things seem to get picked up... so dont wait until its too late. Little by little start picking things up, learn to walk picking up whats behind you, bringing it closer and rotate your priorities. Mix things up. You might have to walk a little slower, you might have to work a little harder to keep things in check, but you're bringing everything with you. You're keeping an eye on things, then gradually, you'll learn to juggle. You'll never know how fragile things are until they drop. Even if they drop, things might be a little damaged but you still have it. Having left it behind and regretting it may hurt far more than the scratch you might leave in it.
Whats it all mean? Money's just money. Make enough to live... you can't take it with you and money won't comfort you when you're sad. School is your future, but you can't live it alone; the difference between a 3.3 and a 4.0 may seem huge but in the end, work for what you need. Friends don't wait forever if neglected and if they can't take the falls when they're dropped, they weren't worth bringing along; but if you left one behind who's waiting... go back and get them or they'll walk out on you forever. Love? The difference between love now... and love then, what will stay with you. If your relationship can't take the bump in the road and hearts entangled are more fragile then the egg in the spoon, its not worth it... babying it and dropping everything you should be carrying just isn't worth it. Learn to juggle.
Song of the day:
Social Code - Miss You
Can't keep my laughter from healing all my pain, but at the same time; don't ignore the pain.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Monday, February 27, 2006
62 Remaining.
The names we used to know... the people we remember, the one's who have left marks in our minds and the cliché "footprints in our hearts"... which seem to vanish from our immediate view; should never vanish from our minds. You would be suprised what it means to me when I see a familiar face... and there are only so many times I can tell you I miss you, or that I wish I could see you more often. How much you want to see them again, how much you wonder where they are now, won't bring them any closer to you... so you need to build that tunnel from you to them. Make the connection; if you remember them, odd's are they were somehow important to your life, and significant in how you've become who you are.
Brick by brick, people in your life are laying down groundwork that shapes you. Walls of influence. And the foundation of your life. Remember who has brought you to where you are, and what it has taken for them to build what has made you who you are. Whether they did it intentionally, you may not know, but appreciate it for what it is. Obviously to touch you took something out of themselves. Piece by piece, of all sizes, you don't realize how much people have contributed until you compare the soil to the hill. Though day by day, people walk by you and may be dropping but a grain, appreciate it as sooner or later it becomes a handful, and then it becomes a pile... to fill the bucket... to build the hill which becomes a mountain.
Thank your friends. Thank your family. Thank everyone who has every thrown a piece themselves into you. Be it criticism or praise. All is constructive in how it builds you. If you remember it, they are worth remembering. Grudges are insignificant so let them go, and realize how that incident has made you stronger; how it has built your wall. Never lose touch, and always help each other improve on your lives. Improve on the structure, and hopefully you will build a community. Together you stand tall, and together you can make things better for everyone. Be the first to make the contact. Be the first to tell someone you need them because before you know it, together you'll have built a fortress, and its hopefully not between each other. I promise you the fortress will be stronger than the hut you build on your own. We are social creatures, embrace it.
Thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for your presence, physically and mentally. And thanks to serendipity which brings us together. Thanks for the coincidental meetings given to me. Thanks for the opportunity to grasp the thread which I hope to weave into rope to pull us together. And thanks for the inspiration I find to build tunnels to others so I can realize what everyone has given me. Thanks for contributing to who I am. Though this might not mean as much as it should... I miss you, it was great seeing you, and I hope I'll see you again sometime soon. You've made an influence in my life... and I appreciate it. I'm sorry our tunnel is falling apart and the bond from me to you is slowly dissapearing but I promise I'll find it, and I'll give what I can to make the fortress once ours, a castle better than before.
Song of the day:
The Arcade Fire - Neighborhood 1 (Tunnels)
Don't ever just think; well what ever happened to them...
Brick by brick, people in your life are laying down groundwork that shapes you. Walls of influence. And the foundation of your life. Remember who has brought you to where you are, and what it has taken for them to build what has made you who you are. Whether they did it intentionally, you may not know, but appreciate it for what it is. Obviously to touch you took something out of themselves. Piece by piece, of all sizes, you don't realize how much people have contributed until you compare the soil to the hill. Though day by day, people walk by you and may be dropping but a grain, appreciate it as sooner or later it becomes a handful, and then it becomes a pile... to fill the bucket... to build the hill which becomes a mountain.
Thank your friends. Thank your family. Thank everyone who has every thrown a piece themselves into you. Be it criticism or praise. All is constructive in how it builds you. If you remember it, they are worth remembering. Grudges are insignificant so let them go, and realize how that incident has made you stronger; how it has built your wall. Never lose touch, and always help each other improve on your lives. Improve on the structure, and hopefully you will build a community. Together you stand tall, and together you can make things better for everyone. Be the first to make the contact. Be the first to tell someone you need them because before you know it, together you'll have built a fortress, and its hopefully not between each other. I promise you the fortress will be stronger than the hut you build on your own. We are social creatures, embrace it.
Thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for your presence, physically and mentally. And thanks to serendipity which brings us together. Thanks for the coincidental meetings given to me. Thanks for the opportunity to grasp the thread which I hope to weave into rope to pull us together. And thanks for the inspiration I find to build tunnels to others so I can realize what everyone has given me. Thanks for contributing to who I am. Though this might not mean as much as it should... I miss you, it was great seeing you, and I hope I'll see you again sometime soon. You've made an influence in my life... and I appreciate it. I'm sorry our tunnel is falling apart and the bond from me to you is slowly dissapearing but I promise I'll find it, and I'll give what I can to make the fortress once ours, a castle better than before.
Song of the day:
The Arcade Fire - Neighborhood 1 (Tunnels)
Don't ever just think; well what ever happened to them...
Sunday, February 26, 2006
63 Remaining.
On Love?
Feelings mean nothing. Don't wear your heart on the sleeve, in the end, its wiped away and you end up being hurt. Breaking away all the love in my heart... it simply makes things easier.
Or does it. Can you live life alone? It takes a while to realize you can't.
Weakness is it? It's weakness when you open up, and someone breaks it... its like the one day you open your china cabinet and all the Blue Willow is shattered. And with it goes your belief for something or someone better... but really what does having it all broken amount to? What does having your dinner china broken or your heart broken amount to? It amounts to the ability to walk away and make things better, it amounts to getting new, better china. It's not an excuse to always keep the cabinet closed because bluntly, there is nothing left to protect.
Yes it takes time... and it takes more when the wound isn't physical, but learn to move on. Though time can't be purchased... neither can love. Money can buy the Cartier, but it can't buy my time with you. Money can buy roses, but it cant buy what these are meant to communicate to you. And this is the reality, nothing beats the real thing, so wait things out. Take the time to get better, because you deserve better, and when you get what you've been waiting for... you'll be glad you've stayed open... and you'll be glad you didn't settle for what was half decent.
Overall, an important detail, is dont be half opened, in fear of being broken... because in the end, the result is no one wants half the good china, and if you do end up getting broken, that half a set isnt going to help you. You'll end up regretting it... so either give it all, or wait for the one worth the risk. Regretting it later hurts, so really, opening up half way is just setting yourself for having it all shattered from within; with no one to blame.
So is love weakness? No, its not weakness. It's only weakness if you're afraid. Have no fear, as there is nothing to fear but fear itself. Take the time to heal, and move on if you've been hurt. And if you're one of those who has never opened up, realize you can't live alone. This world is too harsh to take on alone, and in the end, it will get awfully cold with no warm memories. Give love a chance. Open up, what gets broken can be replaced; slowly but surely. I promise.
Don't wear your heart on your sleeve, because some cruel soul is bound to rip it off, but open your cabinet, use the china... take a chance.
Song of the day:
The Used - Yesterday's Feelings
Those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in time, for the better.
Feelings mean nothing. Don't wear your heart on the sleeve, in the end, its wiped away and you end up being hurt. Breaking away all the love in my heart... it simply makes things easier.
Or does it. Can you live life alone? It takes a while to realize you can't.
Weakness is it? It's weakness when you open up, and someone breaks it... its like the one day you open your china cabinet and all the Blue Willow is shattered. And with it goes your belief for something or someone better... but really what does having it all broken amount to? What does having your dinner china broken or your heart broken amount to? It amounts to the ability to walk away and make things better, it amounts to getting new, better china. It's not an excuse to always keep the cabinet closed because bluntly, there is nothing left to protect.
Yes it takes time... and it takes more when the wound isn't physical, but learn to move on. Though time can't be purchased... neither can love. Money can buy the Cartier, but it can't buy my time with you. Money can buy roses, but it cant buy what these are meant to communicate to you. And this is the reality, nothing beats the real thing, so wait things out. Take the time to get better, because you deserve better, and when you get what you've been waiting for... you'll be glad you've stayed open... and you'll be glad you didn't settle for what was half decent.
Overall, an important detail, is dont be half opened, in fear of being broken... because in the end, the result is no one wants half the good china, and if you do end up getting broken, that half a set isnt going to help you. You'll end up regretting it... so either give it all, or wait for the one worth the risk. Regretting it later hurts, so really, opening up half way is just setting yourself for having it all shattered from within; with no one to blame.
So is love weakness? No, its not weakness. It's only weakness if you're afraid. Have no fear, as there is nothing to fear but fear itself. Take the time to heal, and move on if you've been hurt. And if you're one of those who has never opened up, realize you can't live alone. This world is too harsh to take on alone, and in the end, it will get awfully cold with no warm memories. Give love a chance. Open up, what gets broken can be replaced; slowly but surely. I promise.
Don't wear your heart on your sleeve, because some cruel soul is bound to rip it off, but open your cabinet, use the china... take a chance.
Song of the day:
The Used - Yesterday's Feelings
Those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in time, for the better.
Friday, February 24, 2006
65 Remaining.
Release your inhibitions. Whatever's holding you back, let it go. Whoever's controlling you, make them stop. And whatever you do, follow your heart. You're mind filled with others' opinions are filled with clouded judgement. You know what's best for you in the end, and often experience is the best advice. Write your own story.
All this time, I've let someone write my values, write my actions, guide my life through this endless drama... and in the end, this drama has been my trauma. By the time I realized what has controlled my life... I've began to regret.
Finally its time for me to turn back and reflect. What has it taught me... where has this advice taken me. The road I've taken was not always paved... often case not even mapped... but I've taken the stones casted on me and turned them into pains of experience. Enduring these things have made my journey memorable... and with these wounds I have come to appreciate the road most travelled. Though you may be exploring, theres a difference between exploring and getting lost. Don't wander off, and don't get caught in the trap of "curiosity", though it didn't kill the cat, it made kittens. Whether you're prepared for these consequences or not, to find out after the damage has been dealt isn't elightening, infact often case burden bringing. If you're like me... sometimes you're not playing with a full deck... and the dealer holds all the face cards. Know when your whipped and when realize when the cards are stacked. The difference between bad luck and a fixed deck are huge. Finally learn from others' mistakes... dont let this direct you... but sometimes the path is worth taking... just know when its time to turn back. Tried tested and true, by history... what we learn from history is that history repeats itself... meaning occasionally your elders are correct. Occasionally.
In short, take the journey of experience but realize when its time to turn back... or sooner or later, you'll lose sight of the path. Pave your path, but when the going gets rough, realize roads are paved for a reason...
Song of the day:
Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten
Release your inhibitions.
All this time, I've let someone write my values, write my actions, guide my life through this endless drama... and in the end, this drama has been my trauma. By the time I realized what has controlled my life... I've began to regret.
Finally its time for me to turn back and reflect. What has it taught me... where has this advice taken me. The road I've taken was not always paved... often case not even mapped... but I've taken the stones casted on me and turned them into pains of experience. Enduring these things have made my journey memorable... and with these wounds I have come to appreciate the road most travelled. Though you may be exploring, theres a difference between exploring and getting lost. Don't wander off, and don't get caught in the trap of "curiosity", though it didn't kill the cat, it made kittens. Whether you're prepared for these consequences or not, to find out after the damage has been dealt isn't elightening, infact often case burden bringing. If you're like me... sometimes you're not playing with a full deck... and the dealer holds all the face cards. Know when your whipped and when realize when the cards are stacked. The difference between bad luck and a fixed deck are huge. Finally learn from others' mistakes... dont let this direct you... but sometimes the path is worth taking... just know when its time to turn back. Tried tested and true, by history... what we learn from history is that history repeats itself... meaning occasionally your elders are correct. Occasionally.
In short, take the journey of experience but realize when its time to turn back... or sooner or later, you'll lose sight of the path. Pave your path, but when the going gets rough, realize roads are paved for a reason...
Song of the day:
Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten
Release your inhibitions.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
66 Remaining.
I know you believe me when I say I care. I know you doubt me when I say "I love you". And thats typical. Words are nothing to grab onto, but trust me. My hands are always there for you to take. I'm sorry I've not always been there but I hope you understand when I say my shoulder always has been there. Back turned or eyes closed, my shoulders are there for you to cry on, I've been there for you to lean on and as much as you dont believe it, my ears are open and I can hear you. I will listen. I only wish that someone would do the same...
People now are becoming more and more independent, more and more "individual" and overall more cold. I've always been the cold one, but I see the fault. Dont be so cold. Words are cheap; therefore you should have no trouble saying something nice. Time is money, yes; but you cant take money with you. You can however take the time out of your day to make someone elses better, and hopefully, they can take that with them... Your thoughts carry me. Your words lift me. Your prayers dont fall on deaf ears. I hear you, and someday I wish I could make them all come true. I'm only human. I'm no god, but as much as you wish to make me happy, I wish for your hopes and dreams to become a reality. Trust me, the whole world isnt out to get you, and someone out there does love you. Warm up. In the end, we need each other.
Value your friends, and take words for what they are. Though sometimes the person you're with may seem empty, you're what fills them. You make each other whole. Don't stand alone. Strength comes in numbers. Be content. Be happy. Make me happy.
People now are becoming more and more independent, more and more "individual" and overall more cold. I've always been the cold one, but I see the fault. Dont be so cold. Words are cheap; therefore you should have no trouble saying something nice. Time is money, yes; but you cant take money with you. You can however take the time out of your day to make someone elses better, and hopefully, they can take that with them... Your thoughts carry me. Your words lift me. Your prayers dont fall on deaf ears. I hear you, and someday I wish I could make them all come true. I'm only human. I'm no god, but as much as you wish to make me happy, I wish for your hopes and dreams to become a reality. Trust me, the whole world isnt out to get you, and someone out there does love you. Warm up. In the end, we need each other.
Value your friends, and take words for what they are. Though sometimes the person you're with may seem empty, you're what fills them. You make each other whole. Don't stand alone. Strength comes in numbers. Be content. Be happy. Make me happy.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
68 Remaining.
"Living is easy with eyes closed". Realistically, nothing is real and nothing to get hungabout. Too bad The Beatles were wrong. I wish there was nothing to worry about. I often wish there was nothing to wake up to; but really... if there was nothing which we needed to wake up to, not wanted to wake up to but truly needed to wake up for, why would we awaken. Our troubles are what we wake up for. Without them, without achievement, our life is empty and meaningless.
Our desire to accomplish. Our desire to succeed. Never lose that desire and thirst for life. Never wake up thinking you've done everything that could possibly be done. Saying its over is like admitting defeat. Failure is mental, and you're only beating yourself. If only I could practice what I preach. One day at a time I'll get better at it.
This morning when I woke up, I shook my head at myself. Why was I angry to awaken... was it because the dream was wonderful? Or because I was afraid of the day to come. Whichever it was, I never want to do it again, and I never want to have you think this when you wake up.
Tomorrow when I wake, I want it to be different. I want to change. I want you to believe my words when I say them, because I mean it. I want to be as genuine as possible because the last act of my tragedy let a knife in my soul. I want to live for me. I want to achieve what I want. I don't want to live to please anymore. I'm tired of living for someone else... I need to live for me... or someday, I wont want to live. Live for yourselves; because it hurts me living for you.
The Beatles had it right... I want to go to Strawberry Fields Forever... take me with you...
Song of the Day
The Beatles - Strawberry Fields Forever
Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see. Either I'll open them... or I hope I find the place where stumbling in a dream is something I can be satisfied with.
Our desire to accomplish. Our desire to succeed. Never lose that desire and thirst for life. Never wake up thinking you've done everything that could possibly be done. Saying its over is like admitting defeat. Failure is mental, and you're only beating yourself. If only I could practice what I preach. One day at a time I'll get better at it.
This morning when I woke up, I shook my head at myself. Why was I angry to awaken... was it because the dream was wonderful? Or because I was afraid of the day to come. Whichever it was, I never want to do it again, and I never want to have you think this when you wake up.
Tomorrow when I wake, I want it to be different. I want to change. I want you to believe my words when I say them, because I mean it. I want to be as genuine as possible because the last act of my tragedy let a knife in my soul. I want to live for me. I want to achieve what I want. I don't want to live to please anymore. I'm tired of living for someone else... I need to live for me... or someday, I wont want to live. Live for yourselves; because it hurts me living for you.
The Beatles had it right... I want to go to Strawberry Fields Forever... take me with you...
Song of the Day
The Beatles - Strawberry Fields Forever
Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see. Either I'll open them... or I hope I find the place where stumbling in a dream is something I can be satisfied with.
Monday, February 20, 2006
69 Remaining.
The countdown is getting closer, and the excitement is building... midterms drew to an end, and I'm glad they went "ok". I'm sick yes, but it'll get better. Today was a good day in my eyes... the break is a good change of routine. Seemingly I'm feeling my ups and downs and this break should calm me.
I've been feeling lost recently. What I'm looking for I'm unsure, but what I want is a sense of stability, security and a sense of belonging. We all have that time we feel lost and stumbling around in life but often case we need to get a grip before that sense of disorientation takes us over and we lose ourselves. Along the way sometimes we lose things in life; friends... money... materials... and others but the things that matter stick with us. Thank you for sticking with me. Thank you for believing in me, I need it. Thank you for taking this journey with me while I find myself. I'm sorry I'm not always together but I'm trying my best... bear with me and I'll get through it.
Overall, to those who deserve an apology recently, sorry... sorry for the mistakes I've made, sorry for the decisions I've made. In the end, no regrets, but I'm sorry. I need to find myself, but I need to do it rationally, I just need to breathe. Thanks to those who've stuck with me, and sorry to those have been casualties along the way.
To your own journeys I simply have the advice to stick with it. Dont do anything irrationally and overall do whats best. Listen to your heart... not to others. Dont just visualize your plans and future, see them through. Don't just feel someone's emotions sympathetically, but truly touch them with your thoughts. The path often blurs but remember in life theres never just black and white, theres always that grey area. And of course, take someone with you... the journey is easier when someone walks with you... and only idiots like me take them alone.
Song of the day:
Anna Nalick - Just Breathe
No one can find the rewind button.
I've been feeling lost recently. What I'm looking for I'm unsure, but what I want is a sense of stability, security and a sense of belonging. We all have that time we feel lost and stumbling around in life but often case we need to get a grip before that sense of disorientation takes us over and we lose ourselves. Along the way sometimes we lose things in life; friends... money... materials... and others but the things that matter stick with us. Thank you for sticking with me. Thank you for believing in me, I need it. Thank you for taking this journey with me while I find myself. I'm sorry I'm not always together but I'm trying my best... bear with me and I'll get through it.
Overall, to those who deserve an apology recently, sorry... sorry for the mistakes I've made, sorry for the decisions I've made. In the end, no regrets, but I'm sorry. I need to find myself, but I need to do it rationally, I just need to breathe. Thanks to those who've stuck with me, and sorry to those have been casualties along the way.
To your own journeys I simply have the advice to stick with it. Dont do anything irrationally and overall do whats best. Listen to your heart... not to others. Dont just visualize your plans and future, see them through. Don't just feel someone's emotions sympathetically, but truly touch them with your thoughts. The path often blurs but remember in life theres never just black and white, theres always that grey area. And of course, take someone with you... the journey is easier when someone walks with you... and only idiots like me take them alone.
Song of the day:
Anna Nalick - Just Breathe
No one can find the rewind button.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
71 Remaining.
Exams are finally over, I havent posted in a while simply due to the fact that I havent had time... lots of "studying" got done... as well as lots of change has occured. I'm having a rough time, but its ok. School is becoming a major thing in my eyes and whether or not thats positive has got me torn. I dont want to be shaken by this institutionalism, but additionally I dont want to be caught by a social safety net when I have no where to turn, so I turn to institutionalized conformity. Then I study, "knowledge is power". We build this fact in our society and then complain about it, our IQ's are no judge of true mental power... only mental power in our state of affairs. I doubt our education makes us superior beings. Anyways, on an entirely different note:
Love is something that when you hold it in your hands, your arms hurt, but when you put it on the ground, your heart hurts... regardless you get hurt. I dont know why but in my current mental state, no matter what I'll do, I will get hurt... and thats the way it is for everyone, the quote is universal, someone always gets hurt. Take care of yourselves before you take care of someone else... or you'll end up hurt the most. Don't jump before you're certain you can take the fall; or of course unless you know someone will catch you. I however, feel like I need to give up with this subject entirely, until I can take care of myself. Remember helpless romantics, take care of yourselves.
Traveling in my mind is becoming a major theme, I dont know where I'll be going, I'm certain I will come back, but I hope for change, a chance for change. Change is a wonderful thing. As much as we see change as something that weighs us down, whether its change in our lives or change in our pockets, we need it to carry on. We need change to get us on the bus, to take us somewhere, and I need change in my life to make me feel like I'm going somewhere. Where that bus takes me, I dont know and have not the desire to care, but I want it to take me soon, and I want it to take me somewhere far... somewhere without this.
Finally, the world's state of affairs. Olympics are an event of union, world peace, world competition and world cooperation, however war is something which is ever present. The world stage is filled with athletes and yet we ignore those who are in the real struggle. In the news the looming picture is those killed in war and of course those killed in political action... useless in the long run, one day i dont want to be fed this political propaganda, one day I want the countries to be in peace, competing simply over medals and athletic feats. One day, I want to see politics where no country fights with another, one day we'll see who's at fault. All of us. No war is glamourous, and for financial gains, its simply uglier. Take a look at the real picture; one person dies in war, not that this is a small thing but it makes top news, think of cancer deaths and youth starvation which never makes the news. Focus on something else...
Today's song is from Yellowcard's new album Lights and Sound regarding world conflict
Yellowcard - Two Weeks from Twenty
Let us realize: "We're all to blame"
Love is something that when you hold it in your hands, your arms hurt, but when you put it on the ground, your heart hurts... regardless you get hurt. I dont know why but in my current mental state, no matter what I'll do, I will get hurt... and thats the way it is for everyone, the quote is universal, someone always gets hurt. Take care of yourselves before you take care of someone else... or you'll end up hurt the most. Don't jump before you're certain you can take the fall; or of course unless you know someone will catch you. I however, feel like I need to give up with this subject entirely, until I can take care of myself. Remember helpless romantics, take care of yourselves.
Traveling in my mind is becoming a major theme, I dont know where I'll be going, I'm certain I will come back, but I hope for change, a chance for change. Change is a wonderful thing. As much as we see change as something that weighs us down, whether its change in our lives or change in our pockets, we need it to carry on. We need change to get us on the bus, to take us somewhere, and I need change in my life to make me feel like I'm going somewhere. Where that bus takes me, I dont know and have not the desire to care, but I want it to take me soon, and I want it to take me somewhere far... somewhere without this.
Finally, the world's state of affairs. Olympics are an event of union, world peace, world competition and world cooperation, however war is something which is ever present. The world stage is filled with athletes and yet we ignore those who are in the real struggle. In the news the looming picture is those killed in war and of course those killed in political action... useless in the long run, one day i dont want to be fed this political propaganda, one day I want the countries to be in peace, competing simply over medals and athletic feats. One day, I want to see politics where no country fights with another, one day we'll see who's at fault. All of us. No war is glamourous, and for financial gains, its simply uglier. Take a look at the real picture; one person dies in war, not that this is a small thing but it makes top news, think of cancer deaths and youth starvation which never makes the news. Focus on something else...
Today's song is from Yellowcard's new album Lights and Sound regarding world conflict
Yellowcard - Two Weeks from Twenty
Let us realize: "We're all to blame"
Monday, February 13, 2006
76 Remaining.
We could always have it worse. 1800's everyone died young, 1900's everyone got conscripted for war. Epidemics, disease, revolution killed millions through the times. We are lucky. We live in a day and age where technology and medicine is at its finest and we live in a country where it is relatively politically stable and there is a social serving safety net. Take a look at your lives and destress a little bit... yesterday I felt so less together and today, I took a look at myself and told myself to chill. As much as things "matter" they're not life or death, so in retrospect, they dont matter. Weeks, months, years after, what I've done today I will probably have forgotten and in actuality its petty. Yes, this studying influences my future, but I need to take care of myself... as does everyone else writing their exams, dont stress, its not the end of the world. Take a second and look at yourself, your health is important. Keep it together, studies are important but as is your health, dont make it an excuse not to study, but make it a rational why you dont study as hard. What I wish is I could finish what I'm doing here and make the impact I want to. Ton's of places in the world where they dont have the leisure to study, or even the security of life, so dont take these things for granted. Everyone just chill for a bit, then take the time to reflect on where we live and be greatful. We live in a good time. Make the best of it.
Song of the day:
Jem - 24
How I've been wasting my time
Song of the day:
Jem - 24
How I've been wasting my time
Saturday, February 11, 2006
78 Remaining.
78 more days. All I need to do is keep it together, right now, its tough... what i thought would be a 6 month wait could suddenly be more, what i've accomplished in 6 months seems like its been lost, and what I wished never to be broken, simply cant be repaired. I'm losing sleep and the recurring dream returns... what do you do when all you ever do is dream of death... in fear you wont wake up, you dont want to sleep. Strangely though... why fear death? Its inevitable, I thought I was over that fear.. but suddenly that dream scares me again. I'm sick as can be right in the middle of midterms, this doesnt make it any better. I dont know whats right at the moment, but I need to keep it together. I need to put education first. I need to study and lastly I'll need to pray. Sadly the higher powers cant help me when I cant help myself. I am my master, and you are yours. Take control of the situation... Overall, the message is, dont take life for granted, do what you can now, as there may not be a tomorrow. But of course in preperation for a tomorrow, make sure it'll be a better one. Don't put off till tomorrow what you can delegate today, as there may not be a tomorrow. Every night before you sleep, ask tell yourself that you may never wakeup... and then ask yourself, what will you regret. What will I regret? Not realizing, there is a chance for tomorrow. What do I want you to do? Make ours better. Work at a tomorrow. What shall I do tomorrow? Study, then pray, pray that what I'm doing is right... I'm going somewhere, and if it's hell, then there better be a legacy.
Song of the day?
Crossfade - Colors
Surely not the best colors that you shine...
Song of the day?
Crossfade - Colors
Surely not the best colors that you shine...
Sunday, February 05, 2006
84 Remaining.
Wow. I studied. And from my EDU textbook I read something I already knew, but wished the world understood: "The world does not owe you an existance". No one owes you the air you breathe, and sometimes one doesnt "deserve" to live. If life is truly that disgustingly painful and it is just simply that unbearable, then die. The world does not owe any one person existance or amnesty for it's "wrath". From blood, sweat, tears was what it took for many of us to be here today, we owe them our best; however, we are owed nothing. We owe so much for being able to live in peace, with our petty problems. It could always be worse I keep telling myself, because often, we dont know the half of it. These classes really make you think. Damn sciences. Humanities rock my world. In other news 84 days remaining and I've been thinking a bit more about my trip. If I do a South East Asia trip again, I need a new camera... I dont want to take a digital to the middle of nowhere, especially since its worth more than what the workers in those third world countries make in a year. Do I really want a 35mm? Does it really matter? No... anyways, I'll leave it at that and the Goo Goo Dolls will take it away with a few words.
Goo Goo Dolls - Better Days
Just a chance that we'll find, better days.
Goo Goo Dolls - Better Days
Just a chance that we'll find, better days.
Friday, February 03, 2006
86 Remaining.
Midterms begin in 6 days, all-nighters for this semester therefore begin in 5. School is indeed stressful, this form of institutionalized brainwashing has become priority in so many youth's lives. If only you could get somewhere in life without a $30k piece of paper. Reality is that, professionalism can be purchased with this education. Focus for your future and this short term work, will result in your lifetime of possible "happiness". Remember, "Money can't buy happiness" is only "untrue" so that the poor masses wont rebel. Lets face it. Money is power.
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